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= written by Amr
Khaled =
10
* They deceived you and
said....
They deceived you and
said, do not argue with your husband
Here is an essay Mr. Amr Khaled wrote for Al-mara’a Al-yawm
Magazine (The Woman Today), on 6/4/2004:
In the previous essay, I have illustrated how Islam refused
woman’s inferiority to man and how it ensures her independent personality in the
most serious and important issue; the belief in Allah (SWT) and following
His orders. Al-so, we have tackled how the woman in Islam has a complete
independence in her choice bearing the whole responsibility of such in front of
Allah (SWT). The man does not have any intermediate role, either negative
or positive. This is because the woman in Islam is a fully respectable human
being. “And indeed We have honoured
the Children of Adam” (TMQ, 17:70).
She is normal, responsible, and wise and has freedom of choice.
Today Insha’ Allah (God willing), I will refute the issue
of her inferiority to man in her marital relationship! Let me discuss this in
the form of questions and answers; as this method usually helps in understanding
and memorizing the information which is what I aspire in this critical matter.
Q1: Does Islam prohibit the woman from discussing
matters with her husband and telling her opinion?
A1: No, never.
Omar Ibn Al-Khattab (May Allah will be pleased with him) said, “I swear
when we were in the Jahilia (Pre- Islam period) women were nonsense until
Allah (SWT) revealed a Quran on them endowing them with what they enjoy
now.” Omar continued, “While I was busy thinking of a certain matter, my wife
told me ‘it will be better if you do so and so.’ I told her that it was none of
her business. How dare she interfere as such? She said, ‘how query you are Ibn
Al-Khattab; you don’t want to be argued with and your daughter argues with the
Prophet (PBUH) to the extent that he stays angry all day long.” Enclosed
in Sahih Al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim
I feel that as this case is fine, it is meaningful and to
the point.
I want to highlight what the wife of Omar Ibn Al-Khattab
(May Allah will be pleased with him) said, “Your daughter is arguing with the
prophet (PBUH) to the extent that he stays angry all day long.” See who
is arguing and who becomes angry!! See also how long he stays angry “he stays
angry all day long.” Where is the omission of personality? And where is the
suppression of Islam to wives?
Q2: Does Islam prevent the husband from taking his
wife’s opinion, claiming that she is unable to give advice?
A2: No, never. Al-Mosowar Ibn Makhrama and Marawan
Ibn Al-Hakam said, “When the Prophet (PBUH) settled the problem of the
written document of Al- Hodaybeia Reconciliation, he said to his companions “Go
and slaughter and then cut your hair”, but nobody did. The Prophet (PBUH)
repeated it three times; again, no one complied. The Prophet (PBUH)
entered the room of Umm Salama, one of his wives, and told her what had
happened. She said, “O’ Allah’s Apostle, if you like this, you can return back
to them and do not talk to anyone until your slaughter your sacrifice and call
your barber to cut your hair.” The Prophet (PBUH) did what his wife
suggested. When the companions saw him doing so, they hurried to slaughter their
sacrifices and cut each other’s hair.
There is a story behind the companions’ attitude. In brief,
the companions felt that the conditions of Al- Hodaybia Reconciliation (which
the Prophet (PBUH) agreed upon with the disbelievers of Makkah) were not
fair, and that they were agreeable for the disbelievers and not for them and the
Da’wa. They felt extreme sorrow to the extent that their grief prevented
them from hearing the orders of the Prophet (PBUH) to slaughter then have
their hair cut [as they were in Omrah (small pilgrimage) and these are
the rituals]. It was a very tough situation. Look how the Prophet (PBUH)
repeated his request three times, while sorrow was prevailing the companions.
What did the Prophet (PBUH) do? The first thing the Prophet (PBUH)
did was that he talked to his wife and asked for her opinion. He did not find
anything in doing so. Secondly, he listened to her opinion. The third thing is
that he followed what she said. Do you still believe that Islam does not respect
woman’s mentality and her point of view?
Q3: Does Islam suppress the woman and prohibit her
from being angry with her husband; that if she becomes angry she has no right in
expressing her anger?
A3: No, never. Sa’d Ibn Aby Waqqas (May Allah will
be pleased with him) said, “Once Omar Ibn Al- Khattab (May Allah will be pleased
with him) came and asked permission to come to the Prophet (PBUH) while
he has was talking with some women of Quraish (some of his wives), who were
asking him to increase their expenditure. Their voices were louder than his
voice. When Omar asked permission to enter, they hastened to hide. Omar entered
while the Prophet (PBUH) was smiling. He interrogated, saying, “May Allah
keep you always smiling.” The Prophet (PBUH) replied, “I wonder how my
wives, who were arguing with me now, hastened to hide when they just heard your
voice!!”
Omar said, “They would fear you Allah’s Apostle”. Then he
addressed the women, “How shameful, do you fear me and do not fear Allah’s
Apostle!!” They replied, “Yes, you are harsher and tougher than him.” Enclosed
in Sahih Al- Bukhari
This story explains how the Prophet (PBUH) is
broadminded and wise. How he was tolerant and flexible although “their voices
were louder than his voice”. There is no problem in that once the request or
even the anger is within the frame of politeness, courtesy and tactfulness.
Islam does not make a problem of that at all, it is a normal matter. Moreover,
it is communally healthy.
Q4: Does Islam disrespect the Muslim husband if he
follows the opinion of his wife in a simple matter, which does not appeal to
him? Is doing so lessening the husband’s prestige as a man?
A4: No, never. Al-Bukhari enclosed the following in
his Sahih, then commented,
“Once, Ibn Omar summoned Aba Aiyoub to his house. Aba
Aiyoub saw a curtain on the wall (which was not common at that time). Ibn Omar
explained to him that his wife had insisted on it. Aba Aiyoub said, “Oh my, this
is what I was afraid of for you (to follow the opinion of his wife).”
What does this mean? It means that the wife of Ibn Omar had
insisted to put a curtain on the wall although Ibn Omar – her husband (the man)
– did not like so, and in spite of that he admitted doing so. It is required to
be kind hearted and tolerant with the other, especially if the wife sticks to
the Islamic instructions. Any other attitude such as narrow mindedness, anger,
and quarreling for trivial things are all proofs against the person himself and
not Islam.
Q5: Does Islam make the marital life between the man
and the woman something like a military life where the man is the leader and the
woman is the soldier, and consequently he practices all kinds of pressure and
seriousness keeping no way for joy and sweet words till the woman revolts and
explodes?
A5: The answer is no, never. Aisha (May Allah will
be pleased with her) narrated that once she was traveling with the Prophet (PBUH).
“While I was running she said to the Prophet (PBUH),
“I’m still nimble, I have no obesity.” The Prophet (PBUH) asked his
companions to proceed in their way and then said to me: “let me race with you.”
We did and I won. After this, I went with him on another travel and he told his
companions to proceed in their way, then said to me, “You forgot what has
happened and now you become overweight”. I said, “O’ Allah’s Apostle how can I
race with you in this case?” He said, “You will do”. We did race and he won.
Then the Prophet (PBUH) smiled and said, “one versus one.”
Q6: Does Islam overload the woman with burdens and
pamper the man with lesser duties?
A6: No, never. Allah (SWT) says what can be
translated as, “And they (women) have
rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of
their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is
reasonable, but men have a
degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allâh is All-mighty, All-Wise.” (TMQ,
2:228).
“But men have a
degree (of responsibility) over them…”
(TMQ, 4:34)
means the degree of protecting and caring
for them. We will tackle this issue later Insha’ Allah (God willing). But, they
(women) have rights (over their husbands, like living expenses) similar (to
those of their husbands) over them (like obedience and respect) to what is
reasonable. This is the general law that governs and maintains all the details
of the marital life. In his interpretation of the holy Qur’an, Al- Tabarie (one
of the greatest Islamic ancestors) inserted many narrations for the different
evidences of the previous verse. I will trace them all here because of their
importance.
·
Some of them
said, “Women have the right to feel the sweet and tender company of their
husbands the same as they obey them in all what Allah (SWT) ordered them
to do.”
·
Others
said, “Women have the right to see their husbands in their best look the same as
their husbands have the right to.” Ibn Abbas (May Allah will be pleased
with him) said, “I love to be good looking and handsome for my wife the same as
I love her to be beautiful and good looking for me because Allah (SWT)
says what can be translated as, “And
they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses)
similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and
respect) to what is reasonable.” (TMQ, 2:228).
See to what extent is the deterioration of justice and
fairness, when they accuse Islam saying that it suppresses woman and omits her
personality. It does not ever prohibit wives from discussing and arguing with
their husbands and express their opinion; and that it asked men to respect their
wives’ point of view in matters that may not appeal to them.
Is it fair to accuse Islam to be a masculine Shari’a
(Islamic Law), which raises the man over the woman while in reality it poses
equivalent duties on both of them (husband and wife) to the degree Ibn-Abbas
(May Allah will be pleased with
him) mentioned?
I hereby call the whole nation, especially women, to beware
all the conspiracies against them aiming to let them lose faith in their
religion which endows them a status that could not be achieved in any other
religions or cultures once they stick to it and follow its orders.
It is required to be kind hearted and tolerant with the
other especially if the wife sticks to the Islamic instructions. Any other
attitude such as narrow mindedness, anger, and quarreling for trivial things are
all proofs against the person himself and not Islam.
To be continued next week, Insha’ Allah.
AmrKhaled.net ©
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