Magazine Articles

= written by Amr Khaled =

9 *    They deceived you and said marriage

They deceived you and said:  Marriage is what life is about..

An article written by professor.  Amr Khaled for Al-mara’a Al-yawm Magazine (The Woman Today), on 1/3/2004, this is what the article says :

We live in an era in which things are not only named by names other than theirs, but also are named by their opposites. ‘Invading countries’ has become ‘ liberating countries’  , ‘ stealing properties ‘ has become ‘ development ‘ and ‘ destruction ‘ has become 'reconstruction‘ and so on.

We live under the control of a culture that doesn't consider religion; that covers the reality of things. What was black is now white, and was white is now black, what was well-known is now unknown, and what was unknown is now well-known, what was normal is now abnormal, and what was abnormal is now normal ! This culture has stained the world’s mirror so the majority of people are unable to see the reality of issues.  From these issues, is the state of women generally, and that of Muslim women specifically ..

This culture has distracted the Muslim woman’s attention as among those who have been distracted with it’s fake goods; it has beautified it for her, and convinced her with its quality as others were convinced.  The Muslim woman has been deceived by the western culture as we all have been deceived , and its time for this to stop.  And that’s what we will try to do in this article and in the articles that will follow this one, under the title: ‘They fooled you by saying ‘

And I’d like to ensure two main things before mentioning the means of deception.

First of all, I don’t intend  to fill people who read this article with anger or to create what would increase the psychological  gap between our nation and the other nations, because  simply, we were ordered to call people to Allah with all the love and good intentions; creating psychological barriers won’t make us reach any of that ..

Second of all,  I’d like to ensure that the motive behind this deception is not necessarily evilness, hatred for others, or trying to shake people's beliefs to control them; there may be other motives, deep inside the human soul, that leads it to the act of deception ! One of these motives, for example, is gaining money by any possible way, which includs, widening influence and perfectly using up others to fulfill the desire of being superior and the one with the upper hand.

Lets take, for example, a romantic movie from the western culture. The film usually pictures the life of the female movie star as an empty , cruel life, that lacks warmth and feelings , when her beloved is not there. Suddenly, this miserable life turns upside down when he appears, she is brought to life, and she awakens from death then the movie ends!

By the way, I’m not making fun of the movie  or trying to show that it's superficial.  I only summarized it to save time. It’s really an impressing story, because love is a burning emotion and a fire that realy hard to be extinguished! The film has used the theme that all humanity shares, especially women, for their emotional, delicate nature. And it’s quite normal that people would become affected by the movie, and the degree of this effect is usually related to  the depth of the emotions the movie has shown and settled in people's minds; this is what western moviemakers actually say !

I think that motive for producing such a movie is not a conspiracy against our religious beliefs, but from my point of view, the real motive is profiting, which is a natural human aim shared by western and eastern people! And this aim itself does not include deceiving in any of its shapes.  So where actually is the problem?  The problem lies in the consequences that need:

1. Pinpointing
2. Analysis 

The first point that needs pinpointing and analysis, which has been ensured spontaneously by the movie, is: The presence of a woman’s happiness in only one thing, which is finding a lover.  Only he can change her miserable life into a cheerful one full of hope and joy !

The second point, that is not less important than the first one, is the reasons that lead to love between a man and a woman.. These reasons usually concentrate on attraction to the physical appearance, or attraction through situations that were written by the screenplay writer, and filmed by the director and his cameras, and usually are exceptional, unrealistic, or even foolish situations!

The third point is visualizing this emotion as the only one that shapes the relationship between a man and a woman! This emotion, which when present, forces all other feelings and emotions to disappear!

The fourth point is; ususally these movies do not show the results of these relationships, and how (if they really existed) it will react to reality, by isolating this emotion from real life, we woukd never know or watch what it will turn into regarding its intensity and continuity!

So what was the result of setting these ideas in the minds of men and women?  I specify women, because they are more affected by what I mentioned than men. The woman that relates her happiness to finding Mr. right guy risks a psychological risk that could lead to her misery if she doesn’t  find him. Or she might find whom she think Mr. right, and he would treat her the worst treatment a man can give his wife. That’s why Islam calls it’s followers to relating their happiness to God first, and feeling secure with Him, to ensure their psychological safety, as God is immortal. He is always present. He’s our safety  that gives us everything that’s beautiful and good; that’s why the one who takes this step towards his God protects himself from any psychological disturbance that might ruin and destroy him , which is a thing that we wouldn’t like to see happen to a Muslim or any other..

Exaggerating anything has horrible consequences, especially if it was something related to human emotins.

The Muslim woman who rejects all those who propose to her because she doesn’t feel the love that she has been preparing herself towards any of them, harms herself. The commercial movie has deceived her and convinced her that marriage without  burning love is suicide ! Although it’s the opposite, the way the deceived woman acts is the real suicide, and she will realize that when the time passes and no more proposal are being proposed!

Love is like any other thing in this life; it grows by time, fruits by irrigation, and becomes stronger by taking care of it . We just have to give it the opportunity to grow, not killing it because we have sick thoughts.

I will move on to another point related to the first one, which is enlarging the marriage issue and turning it from a case in life to the case of the life, which can capture the Muslim woman, and break down her energy and contribution to her society, people and religion. We all, men and women, are demanded to do everything we can for our religion in every field. The woman that wakes up thinking : ‘ whom am I going to marry ?’ ,eats lunch while thinking : ’when will I get married ? ‘ , has her rest thinking : ‘where will I get married ? ‘ and thinks before she sleeps : ‘ tomorrow I’ll go on thinking about the one I’ll marry’  and so on , is a woman that offends her people, society and even her religion. She gives a negative idea about the Muslim woman , and spreads a feeling of desperation and mental and psychological emptiness , that will lead us to nowhere .

We will go on next week God willing …..

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