Magazine Articles
Magazine Articles
Magazine Articles
= written by Amr
Khaled =
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* Married life
Married Life
An article written by Amr Khaled for Almara’a Alyawm
Magazine (The Woman Today) on 11/5/04. (This is a translation of this article):
Our talk continues regarding the fields that Muslim women
can regularly and constantly exert effort on for the sake of their nation and
religion; without disrupting their main mission of raising their children as
good Muslims, and providing a dwelling place in which her husband finds calmness
and rest.
In the previous article I discussed the problem of
unmarried women. I explained a possibility of a solution by applying the rule of
exerting effort, as discussed in the previous article. This rule is: One
hour in a day for the nation and religion”.
Today we test the ability of this rule to solve another
problem. The problem today is liken to a blind man walking in a busy road. Big
trucks and reckless cars are traveling across this road. He has no one to take
him by his hand and guide him to safety from all the dangers on his right and
left. All the possibilities of this poor man’s situation seem to be very
disrupting and miserable. Standing still is not safe; walking forward or
backward is very risky. Going left or right involves dangers that are clear for
anyone who is in the same situation. This blind person has no way out except by
two ways. One way is surgery performed by a clever surgeon whom Allah chooses as
a way to cure this man. The second is that someone with vision and kindness
would go and guide him to safety. Any solution other than those two will lead
this blind man to death. I think that we all agree on this.
This situation is an analogy; the blind man is anyone who
is deprived of the light and guidance of the Qur’an and Sunnah. This is what the
Qur’an expressed in the following verse, that can be translated as, “Is he
who was dead then We raised him to life and made for him a light by which he
walks among the people, like him whose likeness is that of one in utter darkness
whence he cannot come forth? Thus what they did was made fair seeming to the
unbelievers.” (TMQ, 6:122).
The Light mentioned in this verse is the light of the Holy
Qur’an. The question in this verse is not a question that requires answer; the
answer is already clear. Rather the question is for admonishment.
As for the big trucks and cars mentioned in our example,
they represent life with all its problems that surround everyone. A Muslim, and
even a Non-Muslim, who tries to pass through life without The Qur’an and Sunnah
will be overpowered and crushed by the daily problems of this life. This is
simply because he just got rid of his main source of guidance that can solve all
of his problems.
Lets examine some of these problems and see how they have
affected people who have dealt with them without the Qur’an and Sunnah. Lets
begin by a problem like the problem of divorce. The average cases of divorce in
our society in the first year of marriage reached 33%. Do you know what is the
reason behind this? The cause is that the very basic reason that Islam provides
for getting married is not in the mind of the bride and groom. The foundations
and criteria of this marriage by which a man chooses his wife and a woman
accepts a marriage proposal were actually corrupt and rejected by Islam. The
nature of the relation between a man and a woman was unclear with no clear
boundaries, like letters with no dots. Everything in it was distorted. The
concept of Qawama (protectors and maintainers) has no clear meaning or
boundaries to be kept within this marriage. For a man, this concept represents
the illusion of control and subjection. While for a woman, it represents a chain
that she seeks to break and run away from. Both of those matters are not what
the Qur’an and Sunnah orders or commands. Surely this is the atmosphere in which
trivial problems inflate and stubbornness takes control. It is the atmosphere of
which mercy diminishes, the firm bonds become untied and the value of the
covenant that Islam prescribes as a title for the relation between a man and a
woman is reduced.
Marriage is a matter of life that has the goal of providing
stillness, mercy and love between the man and the woman. This has been made
clear in the Qur’an in the following verse, that can be translated as, “And
one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may
find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there
are signs in this for a people who reflect.” (TMQ, 30:21).
This goal will not be established except with the
foundations, ways and principles that Islam provides for building this relation.
Trying to deal with this matter in any other way can turn things into a
nightmare and a disastrous clash that destroys everyone, from the woman, the man
and finally, the children.
The person who insists to be blind and rejects the light of
the Qur’an and Sunnah is forcing himself to be in the situation of the blind man
that we discussed in our previous analogy.
What is the relation between the Muslim woman applying the
one-hour rule and this problem?
A Muslim woman concerned with serving her nation and
religion is capable, with the will of Allah, of greatly reducing this problem
that is destructive for individuals and for the entire community as well.
How? By using this one-hour to talk with women like her.
Whether they are about to get married or they are already married. She can guide
them to the purpose and understanding of the Fiqh of marriage as Islam outlined
in the Qur’an and Sunnah.
The Fiqh of marriage is everything that has to do with
getting married: Purpose, conditions, mandatory acts and rights, manners to be
observed in all the stages of getting to know one another starting from the
first meeting, engagement, acceptance, the marriage contract as well as the
building of life together. Similarly, all matters concern the duties of each
side and the nature of relation between them and how to prevent and solve
problems.
Such a discussion can be done in a mosque in the form of a
circle of knowledge or at home. It can be done even over the phone. The
important thing is that it should be based on Qur’an and Sunnah. A woman might
object to this and say, “I don’t know such matters enough to convey them to
others!” That is fine; learn it! Use three hours of the seven hours you have in
the week to learn from a scholar, a book, a tape or any other way that suits
you. Then use the other four hours of the week to discuss what you learned with
others. You can choose any other way to partition your time in accordance with
what suits your situation the best. The important thing is that at the end, you
have helped in providing light that shows the way and helps solve this problem.
The problem of divorce is a problem that is widely spreading in a rate that is
pointing to another disaster that might afflict us on top of the problems that
our nation is living in nowadays.
Surely divorce, especially if it is caused by violent
problems and arguments that caused it to happen in a bad way will lead to many
ugly outcomes. Children that complain from restlessness, anxiety, fear, feeling
alienated or hatred toward the society, extremism in manners and ideas and other
problems that psychology points out. I do not want to be harsh; harshness is one
of the most hated things to me. I do not want to be harsh with my words against
the child that passed through such an experience, but it is a reality. A reality
that we need to contain and ask our women to exert their efforts to treat.
What I mentioned from the effects of divorce on the child
is not far from that of the parents, especially the woman whose life has become
complicated. Unfortunately, the society and people around her start fearing her
and avoiding her and even oppressing her by the way they think of her. This
decreases her chances of starting a new life. What I mentioned about the woman
also applies to a certain degree (although in a lesser extent) on the man as
well. The result of this is men, women and children that complain. Surely the
Muslim women we are addressing should be concerned with protecting the children,
men and women of her nation from such an adversity. With the will of Allah, we
will continue our talk next week.
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