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= written by Amr Khaled =

4 *  The tribute paid to women 2

The Tribute Paid to Women by Islam (2)

“Let’s observe the honor Islam gives the wife which, starts by allowing her to choose and accept her husband...” An essay written by Mr. Amr Khaled in Al-Yaqdha magazine on 24/12/2003, and this is the full text:

Let’s observe the honor Islam gives the wife, which, starts by allowing her to choose and accept her husband. The woman is free to choose and accept her husband in Islam; it’s part of her general freedom, similar to the man.  The woman in Islam, whether she is virgin or not, is completely free to accept or refuse whoever proposes to her; her father or guardian cannot oblige her to do something she does not want because marital life cannot be established or continued through compulsion, and anger. Marriage is legislated for cordiality and familiarity according to what Allah says in Surat Al-Room (the Romans).  The verse can be translated as,  “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect”, (TMQ, 30:21)[1]. 

Affection and mercy cannot be found in a marriage where the wife is forced to marry a man whom she does not love; this is proved by what is narrated by Bukhari and Muslim from Abu-Hurayra: “The woman, either a widow or a virgin, cannot be married without her permission”. He was asked, “O prophet! And what’s her permission?” He replied, “Her silence”.  (Agreed upon by Bukhari and Muslim). 

The Hadith shows that the wife’s permission is a condition in a marriage; if the father marries his daughter without her permission, the marriage becomes false and rejected.  For example, take the story of Khansa bint Khozam, a widow who was married without her permission. She went to Allah’s prophet (PBUH) and he refused her marriage (narrated by Muslim.)  Concerning the virgin, she can either accept or refuse her father’s choice.  This is proven by what is narrated by bin Abbas:  “A virgin slave girl went to Allah’s prophet (PBUH) and said to him that her father married her off against her will. Then the Prophet  (PBUH) let her choose whether to accept or refuse”, (narrated by Ahmed.)  This shows that the father must receive his daughter’s permission, and in Muslim’s book “the virgin’s father must ask her permission.” 

Another example that is narrated by Aisha, “A girl went to her and said that her father married her off to his nephew against her will. Aisha asked her to wait until the Prophet (PBUH) came. Then she told him the story. He called the girl’s father and allowed her to choose.  The girl then said that she accepted, and that she had only wanted to teach the women something”, (narrated by al-Nesae in his book Al-Nikah the marriage).

There are some observations about this story.  First, the girl said, “against my will”.  Secondly, the Prophet (PBUH) gave her the right to either accept or refuse. If she refused, the marriage would become false.  Third, the girl was virgin, not a widow, so no one can say that this right is only for the widow as this is what Al-Nesae said when he narrated the Hadith.  Fourth, the girl at last accepts.  If she did not, the marriage becomes false.  Finally, the girl said that she wanted to teach the women something, which is that women, widows or virgins cannot be married without their permission.  Islam starts by teaching fathers that their daughters are human beings in the first place, not a piece of good to be sold to who will pay more, as many fathers do until this day. 

This right of accepting or refusing the husband is strengthened by another thing, which is the guardian’s permission! This matter needs some explanation, which can be related to the doctrine writings.  We can generally say that a woman must take her father’s permission before marrying to prevent anyone from talking about her honour, and also to avoid the occurrence of any disputes or breaking of relations according to the Prophet who said, “There is no marriage without a guardian”, (narrated by Abu-Dawood, Al-Termezi, Ibn-Maged, and Ahmed.

This Hadith does not mean to distress the girl. On the contrary, it wants to honour her and to secure her all the guarantees needed to have a happy successful marriage full of affection and mercy; a marriage free from exploiting the emotions and omitting the other basis such as efficiency, religion, and others.  The worthiest one to secure these rights for the woman is the father who begot, brought up, contained, educated, embraced, loved, spent, guided, and stood by his daughter when she needed him, and brushed her tears; she was raised on his shoulders.  The loving father who wants for his daughters and sons all well and piety! All I wish is for the marriage to be accepted by all sides: father, mother, and daughter.  All must be happy; neither is the daughter forced to marry a man that she does not love, nor is the father obliged to accept a husband that he does not want.   

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