Magazine Articles

= written by Amr Khaled =

2 * Make Your Husband Happy

Make your husband happy:

Happiness is a goal we all seek. Who would not want to be happy? Nobody. People actually would give traditional answers, like money or children, when asked about what makes them happy. But very few would tell you that making others happy attains their happiness.

I think that the latter groups of people are more inclined to true happiness. Why? Because to them happiness is associated with an effort they willingly give. They alone possess the decision and the effort to turn a wish into a reality. They are unlike others who are controlled by unrealized wishes and by inaccessible means.

Then let us try to be happy by making others happy. The interesting question here would be what I mean by others. And by others I mean none but your spouse. How about if you make your husband happy? I must add that I am starting with the wife here for the simple fact that this is a women’s magazine. This is way I think that it is only fair that I would later direct my talk to husbands, since I do believe that achieving happiness is a dual responsibility that both husband and wife should shoulder.

Since this happiness in marriage is an old concern, let’s go back to its people to get the true advice. Its people here would be Omamah bent Al-hareth the wife of Awf ben Melhem Al-shaybany. On the wedding night of her daughter she told her,

“O daughter, the word of advice reminds the unmindful and serves the wise. If ever a woman could do without a husband for the riches of her parents and for their need and love of her, you would. But women were created for men and for them men were created.

O daughter, you are leaving the home and the nest in which you have grown up to an unfamiliar mate, and to an unknown companion. Be his land and he would be your sky, be his cradle and he would be your mast, be his servant and he would be your slave, and treasure ten to have him treasure you forever.

The first and second are to submit with contentment and to follow with obedience.

The third is to pay attention to what he sees and smells. Be nice-looking when he lays his eyes on you, and adorable when he smells you. The forth is to mind his sleeping and eating times. Hunger enrages, and restless sleep infuriates. The fifth is to be careful with his money and vigilant with his servants and children. And the key to that is good calculation in the former and thorough management in the latter. The sixth is to never defy a rule or to ever reveal a secret; for if you disobey, you arouse his anger, and if you reveal, you unleash his deception. The seventh is to never be cheerful if he is miserable, or to ever be gloomy when he is joyous. The former is negligent, and the latter is annoying. The eighth is that if you keep following him, you turn him off, and if you keep aloof you lose him. Thus, when he gets close to you, be close, and when he moves away from you, give him space. The ninth is that the more you obey, the more he gives, and the more you conform, the more he stays.

The tenth is that you will never get what you want till you put his pleasure and wishes ahead of your own in everything you like or even hate. And following Allah is what is best for you.”

That is the end of the advice that I don’t think needs any comment. It needs careful consideration for the wisdom it contains; and a believer always seeks wisdom, that whenever he finds it, he is the most worthy of it. This advice has included many important factors that grant a husband’s happiness. Yet there are some aspects that a wife should always bare in mind.

First of these would be arguing. A wife may disagree at one point with her husband, and there is nothing wrong about that since it is a normal and even healthy phenomenon. What is wrong is turning this disagreement into endless arguments with inflexible results, especially in common concerns that need one final say. Let us say that a man and his wife disagreed on admitting their children to a certain school with each of them having their minds set on a different opinion. The discussion starts, continues and ends with each of them sticking to his or her point of view. The children will eventually need to go to a school. So what is to be done in such cases? Is it acceptable that the wife continues the arguing day and night till she gets what she wants; and in case she does not, then would that mean that it is okay to keep the fighting and arguing? This is no solution of course. The solution is simply that the wife consents to her husband’s decision as long as she extensively explained her point of view, and since her husband listened to her carefully.

This is a calm way of dealing with controversial issues that also grants smart evasion of continuously enraging the husband. This consent is in no way submission, but rather, sound judgment and entrusting the matter to the person who is qualified to implement it, and shunning from snatching a right form a rightful owner. The wife, by the way, could very possibly be the wiser of the two and the more reasonable. Furthermore, time could prove her right and show her good qualities. Still this is no excuse to disregard the decision of the man of the house, or to exhaust him with constant dispute.

And this talk is to be continued next week insha’ Allah.

AmrKhaled.net © جميع حقوق النشر محفوظة
This Article may be published and duplicated freely for private purposes, as long as the original source is mentioned. For all other purposes you need to obtain the prior written approval of the website administration. For info: dar_altarjama@amrkhaled.net

Magazine Articles

= written by Amr Khaled =

10 * Make Your Husband Happy

Make your husband happy:

Happiness is a goal we all seek. Who would not want to be happy? Nobody. People actually would give traditional answers, like money or children, when asked about what makes them happy. But very few would tell you that making others happy attains their happiness.

I think that the latter groups of people are more inclined to true happiness. Why? Because to them happiness is associated with an effort they willingly give. They alone possess the decision and the effort to turn a wish into a reality. They are unlike others who are controlled by unrealized wishes and by inaccessible means.

Then let us try to be happy by making others happy. The interesting question here would be what I mean by others. And by others I mean none but your spouse. How about if you make your husband happy? I must add that I am starting with the wife here for the simple fact that this is a women’s magazine. This is way I think that it is only fair that I would later direct my talk to husbands, since I do believe that achieving happiness is a dual responsibility that both husband and wife should shoulder.

Since this happiness in marriage is an old concern, let’s go back to its people to get the true advice. Its people here would be Omamah bent Al-hareth the wife of Awf ben Melhem Al-shaybany. On the wedding night of her daughter she told her,

“O daughter, the word of advice reminds the unmindful and serves the wise. If ever a woman could do without a husband for the riches of her parents and for their need and love of her, you would. But women were created for men and for them men were created.

O daughter, you are leaving the home and the nest in which you have grown up to an unfamiliar mate, and to an unknown companion. Be his land and he would be your sky, be his cradle and he would be your mast, be his servant and he would be your slave, and treasure ten to have him treasure you forever.

The first and second are to submit with contentment and to follow with obedience.

The third is to pay attention to what he sees and smells. Be nice-looking when he lays his eyes on you, and adorable when he smells you. The forth is to mind his sleeping and eating times. Hunger enrages, and restless sleep infuriates. The fifth is to be careful with his money and vigilant with his servants and children. And the key to that is good calculation in the former and thorough management in the latter. The sixth is to never defy a rule or to ever reveal a secret; for if you disobey, you arouse his anger, and if you reveal, you unleash his deception. The seventh is to never be cheerful if he is miserable, or to ever be gloomy when he is joyous. The former is negligent, and the latter is annoying. The eighth is that if you keep following him, you turn him off, and if you keep aloof you lose him. Thus, when he gets close to you, be close, and when he moves away from you, give him space. The ninth is that the more you obey, the more he gives, and the more you conform, the more he stays.

The tenth is that you will never get what you want till you put his pleasure and wishes ahead of your own in everything you like or even hate. And following Allah is what is best for you.”

That is the end of the advice that I don’t think needs any comment. It needs careful consideration for the wisdom it contains; and a believer always seeks wisdom, that whenever he finds it, he is the most worthy of it. This advice has included many important factors that grant a husband’s happiness. Yet there are some aspects that a wife should always bare in mind.

First of these would be arguing. A wife may disagree at one point with her husband, and there is nothing wrong about that since it is a normal and even healthy phenomenon. What is wrong is turning this disagreement into endless arguments with inflexible results, especially in common concerns that need one final say. Let us say that a man and his wife disagreed on admitting their children to a certain school with each of them having their minds set on a different opinion. The discussion starts, continues and ends with each of them sticking to his or her point of view. The children will eventually need to go to a school. So what is to be done in such cases? Is it acceptable that the wife continues the arguing day and night till she gets what she wants; and in case she does not, then would that mean that it is okay to keep the fighting and arguing? This is no solution of course. The solution is simply that the wife consents to her husband’s decision as long as she extensively explained her point of view, and since her husband listened to her carefully.

This is a calm way of dealing with controversial issues that also grants smart evasion of continuously enraging the husband. This consent is in no way submission, but rather, sound judgment and entrusting the matter to the person who is qualified to implement it, and shunning from snatching a right form a rightful owner. The wife, by the way, could very possibly be the wiser of the two and the more reasonable. Furthermore, time could prove her right and show her good qualities. Still this is no excuse to disregard the decision of the man of the house, or to exhaust him with constant dispute.

And this talk is to be continued next week insha’ Allah.

AmrKhaled.net © جميع حقوق النشر محفوظة
This Article may be published and duplicated freely for private purposes, as long as the original source is mentioned. For all other purposes you need to obtain the prior written approval of the website administration. For info: dar_altarjama@amrkhaled.net