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Selflessness
– “Al-’eethar”
I seek refuge in Allah, the All-Hearing,
the All-Knowing, from the accursed Satan. In
the name of Allah, the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful. We praise Allah, thank Him, seek His help, guidance and forgiveness. We
seek refuge in Allah from the evil in our souls and the sinfulness of our
deeds. “He whom Allah guides, he is the rightly-guided; but he whom He sends
astray, for him you will find no guiding advocate”.
Today, we will discuss the manner of al-’eethar
(selflessness: giving preference to others over yourself and considering their
happiness and welfare before your own). It
is amazing that some Islamic ethics have vanished and become unknown although Islam
calls for them and the Messenger (PBUH) propagated such ethics, applied
them and practiced them himself. This
goes to the extent that when I say the word “al-’eethar” to youth, they
ask me, “What does it mean?” It is also
amazing that there is no exact equivalent for the word “al-’eethar” in
any other language like English or French.
This is not the case of the word “al-’eethar” only, but also of
many other Islamic ethics. The word “Al-haya”,
for example, is translated as shyness in English, which does not entirely satisfy
the broad sense of the word in Arabic as we have already seen in the lecture of
Al-Haia’a. The same can be said
about the word “Al-tawadu”,
which is translated as humbleness in English; the translation of this word
means humility only rather than Al-tawadu with its broad sense. This also applies to the word “al-’eethar”.
What a loss, O youth! Who are we learning our values from? Not from
our rich Islamic values, no! We are clinging to the West instead! I wish we had learnt technology, civilization
and knowledge of management from the West, but we are just imitating them
blindly. I wish our Ummah (Islamic community) were developed and
civilized, and had just imitated the West in other less important matters. However, our Ummah is weak, lagging
behind and still faces problems, yet instead of trying to solve the problems we're
facing, youths are unfortunately imitating the West in the way they dress, eat
and listen to Western songs. When the
matter comes to our Islamic ethics, they do not want to learn anything! Where can you find al-’eethar then?
You can find it only in what the Prophet (PBUH) taught us, and in the
milieu of the men who believed in Islam and lived for it.
Let's now discuss the meaning of al-’eethar. Al-’eethar means giving preference to
others over yourself and considering their happiness and welfare before your
own. That is to say, to relinquish some
of the pleasures of life to others; they enjoy them and you lose them. When we say that a person has given
preference to another one over himself, it means that he preferred this person
to himself for the sake of the reward of the hereafter.
Examples of Al-’eethar:
In a severe winter's night in Al-Madinah, a woman of the Ansar
(The Muslims of Madinah who sponsored and defended the
Call to Islam) brought
a woven velvet cloak to the Prophet (PBUH). The Prophet (PBUH) took it, as he was
in need of it to protect himself from the severe cold. Then, the Prophet (PBUH) came out
wearing it for the first time, just as you would buy a new suit and wear it for
the first time. One of the Companions
from the Ansar looked at him and said, “How nice it is! O Messenger of Allah, give it to me”. What would your reaction be if you were in
the place of the Prophet? The Prophet (PBUH)
said, “Yes” and gave it to him on the spot.
Peace be upon you, O Messenger of Allah.
Do you realize the meaning of al-’eethar now? The Companions
became angry with the Ansari and told him, “the Prophet is in need of it!” The man replied, “I am in need of it more
than he is. I want to make it my shroud
when I die”.
Here is another example of Al-’eethar:
Twenty three years after the mission of the
Prophet (PBUH) had started, Makkah and Khaibar were opened (to Islam) and
booty was gained. During this period of
the mission, the Prophet and the Companions were suffering hardships and
poverty to the extent that the Prophet (PBUH) used to fasten two stones
against his stomach out of hunger. After Allah had granted Muslims victory, the
Prophet's share of booty was a number of sheep enough to cover the space
between two mountains. Imagine! Such a
huge number of sheep became the possession of a poor man who had experienced
poverty for such a long time. However, the Prophet (PBUH) sought the
reward of the hereafter. An Arabian came
to the Prophet and looked at the booty.
The Prophet asked him, “Do you like it?”
The Arabian answered, “Yes.” The
Prophet said, “It is yours.” The Arabian
wondered, “O Muhammad! Are you serious? The
Prophet said, “Yes, take it if you wish”.
Do you imagine to what extent one can prefer others to himself? The
Arabian ran to the sheep and looking all around him took them all. Then he returned to his people, saying, “Embrace
Islam. I have just been with the best man that ever has been. Muhammad gives with the generosity of a
person who has no fear of poverty”. The
narrator said that the Prophet never retained anything he owned from anyone who
asked for it.
Another Example of Al-’eethar:
A man came to the Prophet (PBUH) and
told him that he had nothing to eat. The
Prophet sent a messenger to ask his wives if they had food. However, when they
were asked, each replied, “No, by Allah I have
nothing except water.” The Prophet stood and called his Companions, “Who will
entertain this man as a guest?” An Ansari said, “I will, O Messenger of
Allah.” Afterwards, the man took the
guest and went quickly to his wife and asked her, “Do you have food?” She replied, “We have nothing except the food
of my children” - that is to say, the remaining food that could only suffice
their children. Then, he told her, “Make
your children forget the food, put them to sleep if they ask for supper, and
turn the lamp off when the guest comes so that he would think that we are
eating and would eat like us.”
Do you see al-’eethar? Nowadays, we see two or three young persons
traveling together, each hiding his food in his pocket. They do not eat together as the companions
used to, and as the Prophet told us to.
When the guest came, she made her children
sleep and turned the lamp off. Then,
both of them pretended to be eating while the guest ate until he became full. When they went to pray the dawn prayer, the
Prophet (PBUH) said to them, “Tonight Allah wondered at your action”- that
is to say, Allah has been pleased with what you have done to your guest this
night. Then, Allah revealed what can be
translated as “and give them (emigrants) preference over themselves even
though they were in need of that” (TMQ 59:9).
It means that they prefer others
even though they were in toiling, hunger, poverty or need.
They gave preference to their guest
although they had nothing. We miss this ethic;
we do not hear of it anymore nowadays.
Have you ever considered giving preference to anyone over yourself by
giving him your new suit for example? Our motto should be the following hadith;
the Prophet (PBUH) said, “None of you will have faith till he wishes for
his brother what he likes for himself.” This is the motto of al-’eethar. That is to say your faith will be complete
only when you wish for your brother what you wish for yourself.
There are other examples of the
Companions' ‘eethar towards the Prophet (PBUH) in which they were
ready to give away their souls not just their money:
On the day of the battle of Uhud, while
arrows were shot towards the Prophet (PBUH) from every direction,
Abu-Dogana gave preference to the Prophet over himself and hugged him in order
to protect him from arrows. Abu-Bakr
said, “When I looked at the back of Abu-Dogana, it was pierced by so many
arrows that he looked like a hedgehog.” He gave preference to the Prophet over himself
and went on doing that although he was wounded.
Where is our ‘eethar towards the Prophet? Do we foster his Sunnah?
(The Arabic word Sunnah
has come to denote the way Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), the Messenger of
Allah, lived his life. The Sunnah is the second source of Islamic
jurisprudence, the first being the Qur'an.)
Another example of the Companions' ‘eethar:
On the day of Uhud, Talha Ibn-Ubaidullah
came to the Prophet and told him, “Do not raise your head, O Messenger of
Allah. (Let) my neck (be struck) rather
than your neck, O Messenger of Allah.”
When the Prophet was shot with an arrow, Talha intercepted it with his
honorable hand, causing it to be paralyzed.
Another example is:
On the day of Uhud, the Prophet asked, “Who
would prevent disbelievers from reaching me, and enter Jannah
(paradise) as a reward?” At that point, disbelievers were flocking towards the
Prophet in order to kill him. Ten of the
Ansar youth (ranging between 18 and 19 years old) proceeded. The first one
died, followed by the second, then the third.
The last one was Yazeed Ibnul-Sakan who died at the foot of the Prophet
while he was defending him. The Prophet
raised his hand and supplicated, “O Allah, bear witness that Yazeed Ibnul-Sakan
has fulfilled his duty.”
We always hear of individuals who practice al-’eethar,
but we have never heard about a whole country that practices it. Al- Madinah was such a country and the Ansar
were its people. Their ‘eethar was
truly incredible. When the Muhajireen
(emigrants) emigrated from Makkah to Al- Madinah, they had nothing except the clothes
they were wearing although they were rich merchants in their own country. Some of them came to Al-Madinah on foot. Whereas the people of Al-Madinah (the Ansar)
were farmers, the Muhajireen knew nothing about agriculture. However, what happened was incredible. The Companions said that the Muhajireen
entered Madinah by ballot because the Ansar were crowding and competing
to host whoever arrived from the Muhajireen.
Look at us
now; a mother might find no one to host her when she grows old and needs
someone to take care of her, although she has a daughter-in-law, a son-in-law
and she has her own daughters. However, they
keep sending her to each other. The Ansar,
on the other hand did the opposite, although they were weak and poor. Nowadays, everything is available in our
homes, yet a daughter-in-law wouldn't bear to host her mother-in-law.
Examples
of the Ansar’s ‘eethar to the Muhajireen:
Sa’d
Ibn-Al-Rabi (an Ansari) hosted Abdur-Rahman Ibn-Ouf, a Muhajir
(an emigrant). The former said to the
latter, “Here is my money. I will divide it between you and me. This is your
share and this is mine. Here is my
property. I will divide it equally between you and me. I have two wives. See which of the two you like so that I may
divorce her and you can marry her after she completes her Iddah
(prescribed retreat)”. Can you see to
what extent they were practicing al-’eethar? However, Abdur-Rahman
Ibn-Ouf was decent and did not make use of this opportunity. He replied, “May Allah grant you good reward. Where is the
market?”
In all
immigrations throughout history, there was blood-shed. Take for example the
immigration of Europeans to America
at the cost of the native Americans, as we have all seen in movies. Have you seen how much blood was shed and how
many native Americans were killed so that America would belong to the Europeans?
However, the greatest immigration that ever was throughout history was full of
love and ‘eethar; it was the immigration of the Muhajireen to Al-Madinah.
Consider how the Ansar received them.
Imagine! Each Ansari shared his home, money, clothes, his wives’
clothes and his children’s clothes with a Muhajir and his family. Who can imagine that someone would share his
house with another person? Were the Ansars’ homes big? 200 or 300 square
meters for instance, or were they small? How did the Ansar behave in
such a way without being afraid that their wives might be angry! How come their
wives accepted their attitude? The reason is that al-’eethar spreads
blessing and pleases Allah, and that increases your sustenance. On the other hand, the more selfish you are,
which is the opposite of al-’eethar, the less blessing you will feel.
Open your
cupboard and have a look at it, you will find out that there are clothes that you
have not worn for years, or even have not worn at all. Why do not you give them to the needy? I am
not asking you to give them the new clothes you have, although the Prophet gave
others the new clothes he had! What do you think of that? What do you think of
the one who shares his house with others! It is a very hard example to follow,
is it not?
When the
Prophet (PBUH) and his Companions immigrated to Al-Madinah, the Prophet
went to the Ansar and told them, “Your brothers (Al-Muhajireen) have
come to you and they know nothing about agriculture. What do you think of sharing your property
with them?” They replied, “Yes, O Messenger of Allah. We will divide our money equally between us
and them”. The Messenger wanted the Ansar
only to help the Muhajireen when he asked, “Can you help them more?” the
Ansar replied, “How, O Messenger of Allah?” He said to them, “Share your fruits with them"
- because they can neither make use of money nor get out of Al-Madinah as it is
besieged. They replied, “Yes, O
Messenger of Allah, but for what (in return), O Messenger of Allah?” He said to
them, “For Al-Jannah”.
Do you see
the reward of al-’eethar? After a whole year of farming, an Ansari
would take the ripe dates to a Muhajir before going to his own home. He would not choose the best and give the
rest to the Muhajir. You, on the
contrary, might give the worst money in your pocket as Sadaqa (charity).
However, an Ansari would take all the dates he collected to the Muhajir
and tell him, “I will come back to you after an hour so that you can choose
whatever you like”, so that he wouldn't embarrass him. Then, at the Ansari’s return, he would
discover that the Muhajir chose the worst of the dates for himself, and
they would keep quarreling; each insisting that the other should take the best
fruits.
When
Khaibar was opened (to Islam) and there was a lot of money, the Prophet said to
the Ansar, “May Allah grant you good reward,
you have fulfilled the conditions.” They said to the Prophet, “O Messenger of
Allah, you have stipulated a condition and we have done the same. We have fulfilled your condition for the sake
of Jannah.” He replied, “You will
have it”. Do you see the reward of al-’eethar? Give others what you have. The more you give others, the more generous
you will become, and the further away you will be from malice and envy.
There is an amazing relationship between al-'eethar
and the comfort of the heart, peoples' mercifulness, and abandoning arrogance
and envy. If you want to clean away your
heart's diseases, learn Al-eethar.
When the Prophet (PBUH) received a
larger sum of money from Bahrain,
he declared that all of it would be for the Ansar (his companions from Al-Madinah)
in return for their sacrifices and efforts. The Ansar objected, “No!
Messenger of Allah, we will not take it unless our brothers from the Muhajireen
share it with us!”.
The Muhajireen did not accept, “No,
Messenger of Allah! That would mean that our brothers have taken all the
reward” leaving the final decision to the Prophet (PBUH), who said, “No;
as long as you pray for them you shall receive the same reward.” What an
amazing society! One that can be easily
established if the faith and morals of Islam return, and if Paradise
is the target sought.
Al-eethar is
not only seen in financial matters as described earlier but spiritual ones as
well. Ikrima Ibn-Abu-Jahl fought the Prophet (PBUH) for twenty two
years, then converted to Islam and became a very good Muslim who died as a
martyr because of al-eethar. Ikrima
was among those injured in the battle of Yarmuk. All the wounded were gathered in a certain
area until the battle was over. Ikrima's
cousin was one of the water carriers i.e. those who were giving the wounded
water to drink. He narrates, “I was
searching for Ikrima and found him among the injured, wounded, in pain and
about to die. He was surrounded by ten other wounded Muslims. I ran to give him water, but when he took the
waterskin and was just about to drink he heard a Muslim brother saying, “I am
thirsty!” He said “No, I swear by Allah
I shall not drink unless my brother drinks first.” I moved to the second. When
he was about to drink he heard another brother saying “Ah!” Then he said, “No,
I swear by Allah I shall not drink.” Then I went to the next, and the next, and
so on, until I reached the tenth soldier, who said “No, I swear I shall not
drink unless Ikrima drinks.” I went back to Ikrima to find that he has already
passed away as a martyr. He practiced 'eethar even when he was wounded and dying.”
Today we are reluctant to give away money,
clothes, or even knowledge fearing that our colleagues might surpass us using
such information.
‘Eethar
of Abdullah Ibn-Omar
This is an astonishing story of al-'eethar. Abdullah Ibn Omar used to like the ayah, which can be translated as, “By
no means shall you attain Al-Birr (piety, righteousness - here it means
Allâh’s Reward, i.e. Paradise), unless you
spend (in Allâh’s Cause) of that which you love; and whatever of good you
spend, Allâh knows it well.”(TMQ 3:92). Therefore
he used to give alms from the things he liked.
One day, while riding on his she-camel he realized that he liked
it. So he dismounted it and stood next
to it in the middle of the road waiting until he found an old poor man and
said, “Ride it old man, it is yours!”
On another occasion, he was given a fish as
a gift, and he used to love fish. His
wife grilled it for him and he was very pleased. Then, a poor man knocked on his door asking
for something to eat, so he told his wife, “Give him the fish.” His wife said, “We have bread and barley and
meat in the house.” However, he said,
“and what about Allah’s words, (which can be translated as), “By no means shall you attain Al-Birr
(piety, righteousness - here it means Allâh’s Reward, i.e. Paradise), unless you spend (in Allâh’s Cause) of that
which you love; and whatever of good you spend, Allâh knows it well. Give him the fish.” The woman gave the beggar the fish then said,
“Would you sell it to me for one dirham?” The man agreed. The wife brought back the fish and put it in
front of Ibn-Omar who was pleased and just as he was about to eat, the poor man
knocked on their door again asking for alms.
Ibn-Omar told his wife, “Give him the fish”, the wife replied, “I did it
once.” He said, “Allah said it many
times not just once!” The wife handed
the man the fish and said, “I would like to buy it from you again.” The man agreed, so she said, “I beg you not
to come back a third time.”
Similarly, when Omar Ibn-Al-Khattab (RA)
was dying after being struck by Lo’lo’a Al-Majoosi, he asked his son Abdulla Ibn-Omar
to go to Um al-Mo'mineen, Aisha (RA) and tell her, “Omar Ibn-Al-Khattab,
and don’t tell her Amir Al-Mo'mineen for I am not so any more, tell her Omar
Ibn-Al-Khattab is requesting your permission to be buried beside his friends
(the Prophet (PBUH) and Abu-Bakr (RA)) in her room. She replied, “I wanted that place for myself,
but I shall offer it to Omar”. Imagine
that she was going to be buried beside her husband and father, i.e. the Prophet
(PBUH) and Abu-Bakr (RA).
What an honorable burial place! Despite this, the great lady agreed to
be buried in the Baqee (a graveyard in Al-Madinah) and offered that
place to Omar.
Abu-Huraira narrated, “Sometimes I used to
be so hungry that I could have gone crazy. People would say that I was crazy
and I would swear I was not insane; I was starving! I used to sit beside the
Prophet's (PBUH) minbar (the pulpit in the mosque where the Imam
stands to deliver sermons), and recite verses of expenditure from the Qur’an
whenever I saw a Muslim passing by, hoping that he would give me
something. Abu-Bakr (RA) passed
by me but did not realize what I wanted, and so did Omar (RA). Then the Prophet (PBUH) passed by. He
looked at me and knew what I was going through. He said, 'Abu-Huraira, follow
me!' We entered his house after taking
permission from his wife. He asked her, 'Do we have anything?' She said, 'A
bowl of milk; enough for a man or two only.' I was looking eagerly at the milk
but to my surprise the Prophet (PBUH) asked me to call all the needy.”
The Prophet (PBUH) wanted to teach him al-'eethar. Those people were as poor and as hungry as
Abu-Huraira. They were about a hundred Muslims. Abu-Huraira then said, “I got
depressed and told the Prophet (PBUH), 'Will this be enough for all of
them?' I was very depressed but I could
not but obey the Prophet's orders and so I went and got them all. Looking at me
with a smile, the Prophet (PBUH) said, 'O! Abu-Huraira let them drink
from it.' The Prophet meant this to be a
lesson for him and us as well. Then Abu-Huraira said, "I took the bowl and
started passing by them until they all drank, while the Prophet (PBUH) was
looking at me and smiling. Then he told
me, 'O! Abu-Huraira no one else is left except you and me.' I told him, 'Right
you are, O Messenger of Allah.' He then told me to drink." He preferred them all over himself, and then
did the same with Abu-Huraira and the milk was sufficient for all that large
number of people. This was to teach us something about Al- 'eethar and
the blessing it brings. Abu-Huraira
said, “I drank then gave the bowl to the Prophet (PBUH) but he insisted,
'Drink Abu-Huraira!' I drank over and over again as he told me, then I said, “I
can’t drink anymore I swear by Allah (SWT).” Finally, the Prophet (PBUH)
took the bowl and drank the remaining milk.” He actually drank what remained after
all this! Drive away stinginess out of your houses and pockets and you will be
blessed with the generosity of the soul and you will taste the sweetness of al-'eethar. Whenever you give, it is as if you have been
given.
Let's see the Prophet's (PBUH) 'eethar,
in the battle of al-khandaq (the trench). He taught the whole
army that great moral. Jabir Ibn-Abdullah approached the Prophet (PBUH) and
said, “We have at home a chicken and some wheat, so would you come over and eat
with me?” The Prophet (PBUH ) looked at him and asked, “Me alone?” The
companions and the Prophet (PBUH) were extremely tired after digging for
fifteen days. They used to tie stones against their stomach out of hunger. Jabir
Ibn-Abdullah continued, “You and one or two more men.” However, the Prophet (PBUH) stood on a
hill and said, “O! Community of Al-Muhajireen, O! Community of al-
ansar, our lunch today will be offered by Jabir Ibn-Abdullah.” Jabir said,
"I sneaked back home to my wife and
told her, 'The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) is coming with the rest of the
army!” She asked, “Did you inform him about the food we have?” He said, “Yes!”
“Allah and his Messenger know more!” she
commented. The Prophet (PBUH) stood and told Jabir, “You shall be our
gate keeper today.” While he split the bread, Jabir allowed ten men in at a
time to eat and then to come out, to allow the next ten in.
Do you realize when the miracle of the
Prophet (PBUH) appeared and the blessing took over? It appeared when this incident in which he
taught al-'eethar took place. Although they were hungry for quite some
time they were all fed. Jabir Ibn-Abdullah said, “When ever I allowed a group
in, I thought it would be the last group to eat and that there would not be any
food left for the next, but they used to come out with their stomach full,
cleaning between their teeth. Finally Jabir entered and the Prophet (PBUH)
told him, “May Allah bless your food, yours and your family's.” Jabir
was shocked to find the food as it was, except for a small eaten piece of the
chicken. Peace be upon our Prophet the teacher of al-'eethar. What a pity that our nation no longer has
the moral of al-'eethar.
Jaffar Ibn-Abu-Taleb died in the battle of Mo'tah
leaving behind three children. The companions were weak and poor. The Prophet (PBUH)
stood up and asked, “Who will adopt Jaffar's children?” The narrator of the story said, “Three of the
companions stood arguing, “Me, O Messenger of Allah!" "No me, O
Messenger of Allah!” Each one of them was poorer than the other and yet they
were willing to adopt three orphans.
Today if a person's brother passes away he would instead try to get rid
of his late brother's orphan son and send him to his other brother and in the
end the boy is lost. Jaffar Ibn-Abu-Taleb when alive had the morals of al-'eethar,
and therefore Allah (SWT) blessed his sons and allowed them to be
brought up well. The Prophet (PBUH)
used to name Jaffar the father of the needy.
The community will not feel comfort, safety, or stability except if al-'eethar is practiced. Imagine with
me the community today, the husband works day and night collecting money, and
maybe the wife too, but why? They want to make sure that their children would
have a good future and leave behind a fortune that is enough for them! Why?
They know if they die the children will be on the streets; no one will take
care of them and they will be at a loss. On the other hand, if there is al‘eethar
in the community, the mother or father will die knowing that there will be
someone who will look after their children and may be even argue about that
matter as the Ansar did with the children of Jaffar Ibn-Abu-Talib. That is why al-'eethar
is important.
Imam al-Ghazaly says in his book Al-Ehyaa
(The Revival), that there are three levels/grades of al-'eethar:
-
First- to give your brother what you would give to a servant, i.e. you
eat and give him your leftovers.
-
Second- to treat him just like yourself i.e., you give him what you would
take for yourself.
-
Third- to prefer him over yourself, i.e. provide his needs before yours.
His children, for example, will enter school and have no clothes, so before
buying clothes for your own children you buy for his.
These are three levels of al-'eethar
for you to choose from. The greatest 'eethar in this life is to seek
Allah's pleasure over that of mankind, yourself, or any other thing.
On the Authority of Abu Muhammad Abdullah
bin Amr Ibn-al-As (may Allah be pleased with him) who reported that the
messenger of Allah said, "None of you is a true believer until his
inclination becomes in accordance with what I have brought"
Allah's pleasure should be given the
priority.
When we live only for ourselves, we live a
short life where we are born small and die small! However when we live for each
other we live as great people whose lives would last as long as humanity
exists. If you live for others not only
yourself, you will find your happiness in other peoples' smiles, your
opportunities will be in other peoples' opportunities. You
will be extremely happy when you find someone asking Allah (SWT), “May
Allah be pleased with him, as he pleased me.” It is a strange yet a great feeling! Try it,
and you will feel much more satisfied than you would have been if you had
reaped all the benefits for yourself.
To conclude, a good
man once said at the moments of his death, “My daughter I don’t fear death any
more, even if it came now. I took a lot from life I mean I gave a lot! Sometimes my daughter it is very hard to differentiate between
taking and giving, because for a believer they carry the same meaning. Every
time I gave, I took. Actually I took more than I gave.” Youth! Let us try to
apply this moral. May Allah make us benefit from it.
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