I seek refuge in Allah, the Sublime, the Great, from accursed Satan.In the name of Allah, the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful.We praise Allah, thank Him, and seek His help, guidance and forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah from the evil in our souls and the sinfulness of our deeds. “He whom Allah guides, he is the rightly-guided; but he whom He sends astray, for him you will find no guiding advocate”.
This is the beginning of our series.In each lecture, we will talk about one of the manners. We explain how we can instill it in ourselves, how we can deal by it, how we can practice it, and how we can improve it in order to make of it part of our character and part of our behavior.
I know that many will ask, why are you talking about manners in particular? or, why aren’t we talking about the life story of Muhammad (PBUH) or the stories of Al-Sahaba (the Prophet’s Companions)? What is the value of studying manners?For that reason, the first lesson will include an introduction to manners, in which I will talk about its importance and the purpose behind studying it.
In fact, there are four goals behind studying this series:
The first goal:
Manners are the first goal behind the mission of the Prophet (PBUH). Yes, the first goal behind the mission of the Prophet (PBUH) is to preserve manners. Are you surprised? Listen to this Hadith (saying) of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) which says,“I was but sent to complement the most noble of manners”.(1)
And think about it., why was the Prophet (PBUH) sent? The Prophet (PBUH) was sent for the mercy of mankind, for the goodness of mankind, and for the guidance of mankind. Does not Allah, The Almighty, say what can be translated as, “And We have sent you (O Muhammad): not but as a mercy for the ‘Âlamîn (mankind, jinn and all that exists)”. (TMQ, 21:107) (2). Let us consider this verse together.
Imagine if cheating, hatred, dishonesty, and Al-fawahish (shameful sins, illegal sexual relations) etc. prevailed in our society. Would mercy find its way to this society? Would this society be safe? Would it be satisfied? Had this society been a company, would it succeed? Had this society been one family, would mercy prevail in it? Would the members of this family love one another and be close to each other?
Do you realize the relation between: “I was sent to complement the most noble of manners”, andthe verse which can be translated as,“And We have sent you (O Muhammad): not but as a mercy for the ‘Âlamîn (mankind, jinn and all that exists)”? (TMQ, 21:107).It means that there is no mercy between human beings, no righteousness, and no peace in a society except through manners.
I want to draw your attention to another point. You may think that Ibadat (acts of worship): prayer, fasting, pilgrimage, Dhikr (repetition of prayers in praise of Allah), and Dua’a (supplication) are more important than manners. Yet, this is not true! In my opinion, manners are the most important.
How?
Brothers and sisters, the supreme aim of ibadat is to preserve manners. Consequently, your character will be sound and straight. If one of your ibadat (acts of worship) misses the component of good manners, it would be nothing but gymnastic exercises.
Let us analyze them together:
1-Prayer:
Allah says what can be translated as, “…and perform As-Salât (Iqamât-as-Salât). Verily, As-Salât (the prayer) prevents from Al-Fahshâ’ (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed) (TMQ, 29:45)”. Thus, if someone’s prayer does not forbid him from doing Al-Fahshâ’ and Al-Munkar, does his prayer count? He would be performing mere gymnastic exercises.What is the relation between performing prayer and its being accepted by Allah, and being merciful with a widow? There is a relation.If your prayer does not cause you to be merciful to people, your prayer is useless. Do you see the connection?
2-Sadaqah (charity):
Allah says what can be translated as, “Take Sadaqah (alms) from their wealth in order to purify them and sanctify them with it. (TMQ, 9:103)” The purpose of giving Sadaqah (charity) and Zakat (3) is sanctification. What is the meaning of sanctification? It is the deep practice of improving your manners. Thus, it is clear that every verse that talks about religious duties serves a specific manner and urges to preserve it. What is hidden behind the meaning of sanctification if you give Sadaqah? If you give Sadaqah, you will learn mercy, you will have mercy on the weak, you will learn generosity, and you will hate arrogance.
The Prophet (PBUH) taught us that there are moral Sadaqat that overweigh the mere act of giving money (Sadaqah).
The Prophet (PBUH) said, “Smiling at the face of your brother is considered a Sadaqah”.Imagine!! If you want to give Sadaqah while you do not have money, you can smile at the face of your brother.Hence, you will be considered as if you have given Sadaqah.That is to say, smiling at the face of your brother and enjoining on people from Al-Ma’rûf (i.e. Islâmic Monotheism and all that Islam orders one to do) and forbidding people from Al-Munkar (polytheism and disbelief and all that Islam has forbidden) are considered Sadaqah.Guiding a man who goes astray is Sadaqah, taking from your money and giving it to your brother is Sadaqah, removing harm, thorns and bones away from roads is Sadaqah, guiding a blind man is Sadaqah, and the best Sadaqah is “when a husband puts a morsel in the mouth of his wife.”Do you get the concept of Sadaqah? Do you realize how guiding a man who loses his way is Sadaqah, giving money to your brother and looking at the face of your brother, blind or endowed with eyesight, are Sadaqah, and so on?
Brothers and sisters, the purpose for today’s lecture is to make you feel the importance of changing yourself from inside in order to improve your manners. It has become an important issue. The issue is not only wearing hijab (the covering of a Muslim woman). Wearing hijab (the veil) does not mean that you have performed all your religious duties, absolutely not! The true message of this religion can be covered by this question “what is the position of your manners in Islam?”
3-Fasting:
The Prophet (PBUH) said, “The person observing fasting should avoid sexual relation with his wife, and should not behave foolishly and impudently, and if somebody fights with him or abuses him, he should tell him twice ‘I am fasting.’”(4) Imagine! The day in which you are fasting is a day in which your manners are embodied. It becomes a day that highlights manners.Because I am fasting, it is forbidden to revile, quarrel, commit a sin, behave foolishly, raise my voice or dispute unjustly. Thus, fasting makes me a Muslim that has good manners.Hence, we realized that the purpose of prayer and that of fasting is the same: to preserve manners.
4-Pilgrimage:
Allah says what can be translated as, “The Hajj (pilgrimage) is (in) the well-known (lunar year) months (i.e. the 10th month, the 11th month and the first ten days of the 12th month of the Islâmic calendar, i.e. two months and ten days). So whosoever intends to perform Hajj therein (by assuming Ihrâm), then he should not have sexual relations (with his wife), nor commit sin, nor dispute unjustly during the Hajj.”(TMQ, 2:197).
Brothers and sisters, pilgrimage is tough training for the discipline of manners. When you intend to go to pilgrimage, you are obliged not to crowd.Even if any one crowds or reviles you during tawaf (circumambulation of the Ka’ba), you should not reply. What is forbidden here is less than the unacceptable talking. For example, if you grumbled at someone in the pilgrimage, you should ask Allah’s forgiveness and repent. Actually, it is tough training for you in order to discipline yourself and to instill your manners during the twenty days of pilgrimage.Many people ask, “Why do all Muslims gather only in the season of pilgrimage?” Think! Why do not Egyptians perform pilgrimage in the month of Rajab for example, and Yemenis in another month? In other words, why can people from different countries not perform pilgrimage at different times?The Mount of Arafat is stable and unshakable. So why should all pilgrimage performers gather on it at the same time?Do you think the place of the Mount of Arafat will be changed after that specific season? Certainly not! The goal is that when millions of Muslims from all over the world gather at the same time and during peak times, you should prove your self-discipline and your practice of good manners.Do you see the purpose of pilgrimage? Why millions of Muslims gather on the Mount of Arafat at the same time! Why they are all throwing Jamarat (stoning the devil at a specific place during pilgrimage) at the same time? Why they go to Mena and El-Mozdalefa at the same time? It is an educational message, which means that Muslims should live together and coexist with each other.It means that good manners should be your characteristic. Consequently, you can discipline your manners in the midst of this narrow place during the twenty days of pilgrimage. Will you fail afterwards to preserve your manners while dealing with your father or mother? Will you raise your voice at your neighbors and inside your home?
Do you realize the meaning of, “I was but sent to complement the most noble of manners” The discipline of manners is the first and most important aim behind the mission of Muhammad (PBUH).
Some people think that learning Qur’an by heart, learning Fiqh (Jurisprudence) and the science of inheritance are the most important tasks for Muslims. But where are your manners? Some people think that manners occupy the second position, absolutely not.
Let us consider this verse, as said by Ibrahim (AS) (Abraham), in what can be translated as,“Our Lord! Send amongst them a Messenger of their own (and indeed Allâh answered their invocation by sending Muhammad), who shall recite unto them Your Verses and instruct them in the Book (this Qur’ân) and Al-Hikmah (full knowledge of the Islâmic laws and jurisprudence or wisdom or Prophethood), and purify them. Verily! You are the All-Mighty, the All-Wise.” (TMQ, 2:129).
Notice with me the arrangement.A messenger is sent from this Ummah (Muslim nation) in order to recite Allah’s verses, to instruct and to purify mankind. This verse appeared four times in the Qur’an. It was part of Ibrahim’s (AS) talk once, and pronounced by Allah (SWT) the three other times. The arrangement of this verse in the three other times is different. Allah says what can be translated as, “Similarly (to complete My Blessings on you), We have sent among you a Messenger (Muhammad) of your own, reciting to you Our Verses (the Qur’ân) and purifying you, and teaching you the Book (the Qur’ân) and the Hikmah (i.e. Sunnah, Islâmic laws and Fiqh - jurisprudence), and teaching you that which you used not to know” (TMQ, 2:151).
Did you notice the arrangement here? When Ibrahim (AS) supplicated, he asked instruction first and then purification. However, Allah (SWT) mentioned purification first. It means that manners have the priority. What is the value of a Muslim who learns Qur’an by heart but is a liar! What is the value of instruction without manners! It goes in vain. Hence, we should realize the value of manners. We should practice them! This is the first purpose of this series: “the discipline of manners”!
The second goal:
Unfortunately, some Muslims make a great separation between manners and Ibadat (acts of worship), and between religion and life.Inside the mosque, one is straight, women are wearing the appropriate Hijab, you are praying full-heartedly. However, outside the mosque, you are different.Where are manners then? You will reply, “as long as Ibadat are regularly performed, manners have no importance!”
You think that life is an issue, and religion and performing Ibadat are another. Brothers and sisters, this is an incorrect concept.This separation has nothing to do with Islam. Islam is one unit. Islam is an integral whole.Hence, this grave separation results in two kinds of people:
The first is an ‘ill-mannered but good worshipper’ kind of person.
The second is a ‘good-mannered but bad worshipper’ kind of person.
They are two deformed models that have nothing to do with Islam. Hence, the aim of this series is to teach us how to be good-mannered and good worshippers at the same time.
The Prophet (PBUH) said, “By Allah, he does not believe!By Allah, he does not believe!By Allah he does not believe!” It was said, “Who is that, O, Allah’s Apostle?” He said, “That person whose neighbor does not feel safe from his evil.”(5)Notice to what extent faith is related to manners.For example, a woman who hung out her clothes, washed and wet, above the dried clothes of her neighbor, has caused the Angel over her left shoulder (who is writing her bad deeds) to record her bad deed. Yes, she has committed a bad deed.Have you ever considered this matter before? Have you ever wondered whether the prayer of a person who left his car in front of his neighbor’s depot and went to pray has been accepted or not? We have made a mistake that belittles the thawab (the reward granted by Allah (SWT) on the Day of Judgment) of attending this lecture.We have all left our cars in front of the door of the mosque because we want to avoid the toil of walking to the place where cars should be parked. What is the guilt of the neighbors and people living nearby? We all think that we are right because we are studying religion together and worshipping Allah in the mosque. We are absolutely wrong. Do you see how we can commit many mistakes and think they have no relation to Islam!
Indeed, faith and manners form one unit.They are an integral whole.
Some people came to the Prophet (PBUH) and told him that a certain woman was well-known for her praying, fasting, and giving much Sadaqat but she was harming her neighbor. He said, “She is in the hellfire”. Imagine! It is said that she was well known for her praying, fasting, and giving much Sadaqat and she was in Madinah.However, he said, “She is in the hellfire”. Then, it was said to the Prophet (PBUH) that another woman was well known for her praying, fasting, and giving too little Sadaqat but she was not harming her neighbors. He said, “She is in paradise”.
By the way, this is not an invitation to decrease prayer. We do not want to improve one thing at the expense of another.We want discipline in both matters. We want a balance.Another Hadith of the Prophet (PBUH) said, “The worst people are those whom people desert or leave in order to save themselves from their dirty language or from their transgression.”(6). Imagine a father who warns his son not to touch or hit the son of a neighbor, in case his mother would make a scandal, and create unnecessary problems.Ironically, this mother might wear the appropriate hijab. What is the value of this hijab if people are avoiding you to protect themselves from your evil?
It is narrated on the authority of Abu-Huraira that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “Faith has over seventy branches or over sixty branches, the most excellent of which is the declaration that there is no god but Allah, and the humblest of which is the, removal of what is injurious (harmful) from the road; and modesty is a branch of faith (7)”.Thus, removing harm from the road is one of the branches of faith.What is your opinion of a person who opens the window of his car and throws the remainder of his food in the street? Or of a girl who throws chewing gum from her mouth into the street?Do you believe that by doing so you have lost a branch of your faith?Actually, you have.You are required to remove harm from the road.This will be proof of your faith.What do you think of a person who does the opposite?
What do you think of a woman who asks her son to get out early in order to throw garbage in the street before their neighbors wake up? Do you think that she has prayed the dawn prayer? If she did, what do you think of her prayer? We want to retrieve and instill the relation between faith and manners.Consequently, when you are doing a moral mistake, you are committing a sin.
The Prophet (PBUH) said, “Haia’ (modesty) and Iman are intertwined, if one is lacking the other one will follow”. (8)Therefore, Haia’ and faith are linked. For example, where is the Haia’ in the behavior of a female university student who laughs at the top of her voice? Then, at the time of the prayer, she enters the mosque in order to pray and she may cry in her prayer out of submission.
Both Haia’ and faith are united.
Therefore, if you want to measure the strength of your faith, tell me about the level of your manners.Hence, I will tell you whether you are close to Allah or not. That is what we want to instill in ourselves and benefit from this series.
For example, imagine a person who goes up a bridge with his car although he knows there is no fuel left.As a result the car breaks down.This causes many cars to stop in the middle of the road.Do you think this person has committed a sin? Yes, he has committed a sin.Do not say that it has nothing to do with religion.In fact, this is the core of Islam.Do you realize to which extent we need to rectify our false concepts? We are also need to change many behaviors related to faith.
It was narrated Abu-Huraira that Allah’s Apostle (peace be upon him) said what means, “Do you know who is poor? They (the Companions of the Prophet) said: A poor man amongst us is one who has neither dirham with him nor wealth. He (the Prophet) said: The poor of my Ummah would be he who would come on the Day of Resurrection with prayers and fasts and Zakat but (he would find himself bankrupt on that day as he would have exhausted his funds of virtues) since he hurled abuses upon others, brought calumny against others and unlawfully consumed the wealth of others and shed the blood of others and beat others, and his virtues would be credited to the account of one (who suffered at his hand). And if his good deeds fall short to clear the account, then his sins would be entered in (his account) and he would be thrown in the Hell-Fire.”(9)Do you see the meaning?
If we scrutinize the verses of the holy Qur’an, we will discover an amazing matter.Whenever Allah talks about the characteristics of believers, we will find that the moral characteristics always come first, followed by the characteristics related to piousness.
This is the way they are arranged, manners = worship = manners = worship
For example, Allah says what can be translated as, “Successful indeed are the believers. Those who offer their Salât (prayers) with all solemnity and full submissiveness. And those who turn away from Al-Laghw (dirty, false, evil vain talk, falsehood, and all that Allâh has forbidden). And those who pay the Zakât. And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts) Except from their wives or (the slaves) that their right hands possess, - for then, they are free from blame; But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors; 8. Those who are faithfully true to their Amanât (all the duties which Allâh has ordained, honesty, moral responsibility and trusts) and to their covenants;” (TMQ, 23:1-7).
Do you see the characteristics of believers? They have both manners and worship.Contemplate these verses carefully.
Allah says what can be translated as, “And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (Allâh) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness.And those who spend the night in worship of their Lord, prostrate and standing. And those who say: “Our Lord! Avert from us the torment of Hell. Verily its torment is ever an inseparable, permanent punishment.”Evil indeed it (Hell) is as an abode and as a place to rest in.And those who, when they spend, are neither extravagant nor niggardly, but hold a medium (way) between those (extremes).” (TMQ, 25:63-67).
Allah also says in SuratAl-Mâ’ûn what can be translated as, “So woe unto those performers of Salât (prayers) (hypocrites),Those who delay their Salât (prayer from their stated fixed times). Those who do good deeds only to be seen (of men). And prevent Al-Mâ’ûn (small kindnesses like salt, sugar, water).” (TMQ, 107:4-7).
Why is Al-Mâ’ûn mentioned after talking about prayer?It is the fact that the concept of faith should be understood as a whole.This is what we want to attain.
So, what are the manners that we will talk about?
Humility: How can we be humble? What are the characteristics of a humble person? And how the Prophet (PBUH), the best of humble persons, was?
Patience: how can we learn and practice it?
The third goal:
To be pragmatic and practical; what does this mean? Some people are addicted to lessons.The whole week long, they go from one lesson to another and so on. But what do they get out of it?We learn lessons by heart. However, you can learn whatever you want to learn, as long as you know that you will never be rewarded unless you act according to what you have learned.Enough with the listening: let us start implementing.Each week we are going to remind each other of a certain virtue that we will apply throughout the whole week.
The fourth goal:
We want to produce distinguished, well-mannered people for our society and we also want to deliver a message: Where do these distinguished people come from? From the mosque? How will our societies and countries benefit?They will benefit from people who frequent mosques and become devout, honest, worshiping, efficient, truthful and patriotic people. If these examples come forward, the distorted image of the “devout worshipper who is ill-natured” will disappear. We cannot attract people with our worship and repel them with our lack of virtues. They will start wondering, “You want me to be like this religious person who prays but sleeps all day during working hours? No, I don’t want to be like him”.None of us is perfect in terms of behavior and we want to work on that together.
These are the goals of this series.
You will be greatly surprised when you know the benefits of good manners and behaviors.The Prophet (PBUH) said, “Nothing is heavier in a slave’s balance on the day of judgment, than good manners”(10). The most important thing on the Day of Judgment is not prayers but good manners.Don’t you long to improve your manners after hearing all this and knowing the reward?The Prophet (PBUH) said, “The best amongst you are those who have the best manners and character”(11) and he also said, “Those with the best manners are those with the most complete faith”(12).
Look closely at the words: do you see how whose belief is “heaviest, best and most complete”? The one who has the most complete faith is the one with the best manners, even if his rituals and religious knowledge still need to be worked on.The Prophet (PBUH) said, “The nearest to me in heaven are those with the best manners.”(13)He also said, “The thing that leads people to heaven is fear of Allah and good manners.”(14)
A delegation came to see the Prophet (PBUH) and asked him, “Who are the dearest to Allah?” and he said, “Those with the best manners.”Do you see how important it is to have good manners?If you fail to see this then you are heading in the wrong direction.
You want to study the Qur’an, and the sciences of religion; well this is all very important and we will study it together, but how are your manners?
The Prophet (PBUH) said, “Would you like to know who I love most among you?” and his companions said, “Aye prophet of Allah.” and he answered, “Those with the best manners”(15).He also said, “The faithful believer reaches the rank of a Muslim who fasts and prays day and night, with his good manners.”(16) And his supplication, “O Allah guide me to the best of manners for only You can guide me to them”(17).
Do you see how important this was for the Prophet whom Allah describes in the Qur’an what can be translated as, “And verily, you (Muhammed PBUH) are on an exalted (standard of) character.”(TMQ, 68:4).When the Prophet looked at himself in the mirror he used to say, “O Allah as you have perfected my face make my manners as perfect”.(18)He was that persistent.Do you follow his tradition (his way and method of life) and say the same supplication?No, when you look in the mirror and see how handsome you are, you tell yourself that no one is more handsome or smarter than you are.The Prophet (PBUH) said, “I guarantee an abode (house) at the highest point in heaven to those with good manners”.(19)Can you imagine?The Prophet himself guarantees you a place in heaven; wouldn’t you look for the means to achieve this goal?
Let me tell you something, but do not get angered by it.We like to take things easy, we look for the effortless things in life, (we pray, we recite the Qur’an, we salute each other using the Islamic salutation ‘as-salamu ‘alaikom’ (peace be with you) while talking on the phone and we thank each other saying may Allah grant you all goodness.We found it so easy to become religious yet we still find it very difficult to improve our manners.We look for the easiest ways to become religious; but what about manners?What about the manners of the religious person?
The Prophet (PBUH) said, “You will never be able to contain people with either your houses or your money, so contain them with smiling faces and good manners”.(20)Do you want people to love you? Greet them with a smile and improve your manners. Is it clear to us now?
Are we going to embody good manners in our actions? I would like to ask you a question: is it possible to change our manners? Can the miserly become generous or is it impossible? Are we genetically forced to be one and not the other? Could a impatient person become patient? Can a girl who is very blunt and loud become a shy reserved person? In short, is change possible?
The Prophet (PBUH) taught us that, “Knowledge means taking it upon one’s self to learn, meekness means taking it upon one’s self to be meek and patience means taking it upon one’s self be patient”.(21) The Prophet wants to teach us that it is possible to change one’s manners. We should never think that we are not capable of change. Many people have changed tremendously after becoming more religious.People often wonder how a person became so calm after being unbearable in the past.
The answer is simple: this person chose the latter Hadithto act upon. Therefore, it is possible to change one’s nature.We wouldn’t be here delving into this subject if change was not possible. For example, the soul is just like a child, who is born incomplete, then grows up and becomes fully developed with nourishment.Just as a sick body takes a bitter medicine and bears the bitterness in order for it to become stronger, the soul too gets sick and is afflicted with ailments (bad manners) that need both resilience and patience to be overcome.
I’m telling you this so that next time we meet, you come ready and totally sure that you can change.Let us apply the rule that says that the soul is just like the body. An overweight person can become slim by following a strict and rigorous diet and resisting his cravings and all his favorite foods. So does the liar when he resists his bad habit of lying; he can become truthful just like the overweight person can become slim.
A person with a weak body keeps exercising and gets used to doing it daily.He exerts effort day after day and bears the brunt of hard work until he becomes fit.So is the case of the soul that learns good virtues and manners with education and patience and resilience.
So let us start with the intention of changing. You might wonder, “How would I know my bad virtues?”
Here are four points that would enable you to do so:
From a pious friend (befriend good and devout people)
From your enemy (hear what your enemies have to say) listen to what a jealous girl says about you. Pay attention to what your business adversaries say about you. Never close your ears to them, they might say something beneficial.
Attend lessons like this one.
Get to know and study the manners and personal traits of the Prophet (PBUH).
The last point is the most important of all.
Who is the most accomplished person in terms of manners? Of course it is the Prophet (PBUH) and he is the one about whom Allah says what can be translated as, “And Verily, you (O Muhammad PBUH) are of an exalted (standard of) character” (TMQ, 68: 4).
Would you like to reach that exalted standard?Look how humble and patient the Prophet (PBUH) was, and how he treated women, and learn from this. That is why his manners and traits will be our reference in all the coming lessons and for every manner and virtue we will study.
Allah says what can be translated as, “Indeed in the messenger of Allah (Muhammad) you have a good example to follow for him who hopes for (the meeting with) Allah and the last day, and remembers Allah much” (TMQ, 33:21).
Do you know why?
The reason is that Allah has put together everything a person might need to know in his or her life until the Day of Judgment, in the 23 years of Prophet Muhammad’s preaching (PBUH).No other prophet is more suited to be a role model than Prophet Muhammad.
Each prophet may represent a particular virtue. Isa/Jesus (PBUH) was a single young man, self-restrained and ascetic. However, can you consider him as a role model if you got married? No, because he never got married. Can you take him as an ideal for a father? A grandfather? No.
You can take Solaiman (AS) (Solomon) as an example of a rich, generous and philanthropist ruler. But could he be your role model as a poor yet patient person?
Who was both rich and poor, strong and weak, ruled and ruler? Who was single then a father and then a grandfather? That is why Allah says what can be translated as, “Ye have indeed in the Messenger of Allah a beautiful pattern (of conduct)” (TMQ, 33: 21).
While on the subject of morals and manners, we have to delve deeper into the life of the Prophet (PBUH). We have to study his manners and virtues. He is the only prophet who did not have any private or hidden issues in his life. We know everything there is to know about him. We know about his relationship with his wives, we know about him in his house and even when resting in his bed. There are no hidden aspects of his life. Therefore, I will end this lecture by stressing the importance of loving the Prophet (PBUH), because if we asked people to just follow in his footsteps and copy his manners without actually loving him, he will never be considered a role model. They will not feel the power of what they are told.
Thus, rooting the love of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) in our heart will be our introduction to the next episodes. The more you love the Prophet (PBUH) the more you will embrace his manners as an example to be followed.
The Prophet (PBUH) said, “By Him in whose Hands my life is, none of you will have faith till he loves me more than himself, his children and his wealth”(22).Now think about these three things and tell me: is the Prophet actually dearer to you than them? Do we really love the Prophet with such strength?
Allah says what can be translated as, “Say if your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your wives, your kindred, the wealth that you have gained the commerce in which you fear a deadline, and the dwellings in which you delight are dearer to you than Allah and His messenger, and striving hard and fighting in His cause, then wait until Allah brings about His Decision (torment). And Allah guides not the people who are Al-fasiqun (the rebellious, disobedient to Allah)” (TMQ, ).
Allah (SWT) considers those who love these things – taking into consideration that none of them is forbidden by him - more than they love Allah and the Prophet are rebellious and disobedient. Can you believe it?
Omar Ibnul-Khattab (RA) says that while he and some of the Prophet’s companions were walking, he (Omar) found himself saying, “By Allah, messenger of Allah, I love you”. The Prophet then asked Omar “More than your children, Omar?” and Omar said “Yes” and the Prophet asked “More than your whole family, Omar?” and Omar said “Yes”, then “More than your money, Omar?” and Omar answered “Yes” and finally “More than yourself, Omar” and Omar said “No”.
As you can see Omar was honest and truthful in all the answers he gave. The Prophet then told Omar, “No Omar - your faith is not complete until you hold me dearer than yourself”.Omar said, “I went out and thought about it and then I came back and cried it out loud, “By Allah! Messenger of Allah! I love you more than I love myself” and the Prophet answered “It is now Omar”(23).
He meant by that, your faith is now complete. Abdullah Ibn Omar (the son of Omar) asked his father, “How did you do that father?You went out for just minutes and then came back” (was it a button you pressed to change how you felt?).Omar said, “O son, I went out and asked myself who I would need more on the Day of Judgment: me or the Prophet (PBUH)?”I knew then that my need for him was greater than my need for myself.I remembered how I was on the sirat (the straight path that leads to either hell or heaven) and he saved me.Allah saved me because of him.So I loved him more than I loved myself.”Abdullah then asked his father, “O father if you were to forget everything about the Prophet (PBUH) what is the one thing that you would never forget?”Omar said, “I will never forget the day I went to him saying, “Grant me permission to go to Umrah (small pilgrimage) messenger of Allah.”So he said, “Do not forget me brother when you pray to Allah”.Abdullah said, “I will never forget this word ever”.
In the following narration Abu-Bakr As-Siddiq (RA) describes the extent of his love for the Prophet (PBUH). He said, “We were on the Hijra (the immigration from Makkah to Madinah) and we were thirsty, so I brought a small amount of milk and told the Prophet (PBUH), “Drink this, messenger of Allah.” Then Abu-Bakr said, “And he drank till I quenched my thirst.” Do you see that the Prophet drank until Abu-Bakr quenched his thirst? Do you see what kind of love this is?
The Prophet once came and found his servant Thawbancrying because he missed the Prophet who was away the whole day. Take this powerful love as an example.
When you go to Umrah, do you stand in front of the Prophet’s grave and tell him, “I miss you messenger of Allah” from the bottom of your heart?I know a man who once said Muhammad Ibn Abdullah (Muhammad the son of Abdullah) just like that, without titles.He went on Umrah and visited his grave to apologize to the Prophet (PBUH).
Our master Abu-Bakr As-Siddiq took his father Abu-Kohafa on the day the latter converted to Islam to meet the Prophet (PBUH) so that he could declare his faith.
The father was old and blind. The Prophet told Abu-Bakr, “Leave the sheikh (old man) in his house and we will go to him.” Abu-Bakr answered, “He should come to you, O worthy messenger of Allah.”When Abu-Kohafa became a Muslim Abu-Bakr cried.People told Abu-Bakr, “Today is a happy day; your father was spared the fires of hell, so why are you crying?”
He answered, “I would have liked Abu-Taleb (the prophet’s late uncle) to have been the one standing in front of the Prophet today and not my father, this would have made the Prophet happier.” Can you begin to imagine such a relationship and such love? The joy of seeing the Prophet happy is far greater than my personal satisfaction. Where are we from such love and such a relationship?
Even tree trunks loved the Prophet (PBUH). The Prophet used to give the Muslims Friday sermon in his mosque. He used to stand on a tree trunk, before the pulpit was built, so that people could see him. When the pulpit was built and the Prophet began to stand on it instead, the trunk was heard crying (as the Prophet’s companions say). The trunk cried because it missed the Prophet (PBUH) and the Prophet came down from the pulpit and patted the trunk saying, “Aren’t you satisfied to be buried here and to be with me in heaven?” and the trunk stopped crying.The trunk is still there, buried in front of the Prophet’s grave. This trunk cried and felt the love and the closeness to the Prophet and we are still away and very far from him.
Our master Sawad (one of the prophet’s companions) stood on the day of ghazwat Badr (the military expedition of Badr)to pray.Sawad was overweight and the Prophet kept telling him “stand straight, Sawad” but still Sawad would stand out of line.The Prophet then turned around and found that Sawad was still standing out of line, so he nudged him with a “siwak” (a small and short stick made of wood, used to clean the teeth) saying, “Stand straight Sawad, we are in battle and this is serious.”Sawadsaid, “You hurt me (with the siwak) O messenger of Allah”.The Prophet then raised his clothes until his stomach was revealed and said, “take your revenge, Sawad”. Our master Sawad started kissing the Prophet’s stomach saying, “This is what I wanted! This is what I wanted!” May the peace, blessings and prayers of Allah be upon our beloved Prophet Muhammad.
(1)Narrated by Ibn-Rajab (Lata’ef al-Ma’aref), 305.
(2)(TMQ) = Translation of the Meaning of the Qur'an. This translation is for the realized meaning, so far, of the stated (Surah:Ayah) of the Qur'an. Reading the translated meaning of the Qur'an can never replace reading it in Arabic, the language in which it was revealed).
(3)The obligatory sharing of wealth with the poor and the community at the yearly rate of 2.5% of appropriate wealth above a certain minimum.
(4)Narrated by Abu-Huraira.
(5)Narrated by Abu-Shuraih
(6)Narrated by Aisha (RA).
(7)Sahih Muslim: Book 001, Number 0056..
(8)Al-Albany: 2636.
(9)Sahih Muslim: 6251.
(10)Narrated by At-Tirmidhi.
(11)Narrated by Ahmad.
(12)Narrated by Ahmad and al-Bukhari.
(13)Narrated by Ahmad.
(14)Narrated by At-Tirmidhi.
(15)Narrated by Ahmad.
(16)Narrated by Ibn-Dawud.
(17)Narrated by An-Nasa’ee.
(18)Narrated by Ahmad.
(19)Narrated by Ibn-Dawud.
(20)Narrated by Al-Iraqi, Takhreej al-Ihi’a: 62/3.
