Today’s topic is of great importance to our youth and I hope that they are watching.

Although this episode is a direct message to the youth, their parents too will be pleased with it, if Allah[1] wills. We have recently been focusing on the challenges that our young people are facing, such as drug addiction. Thus, today I am here to ask each young person, “Who are your friends?” It is about time we pay some attention to that, since it has been statistically proven that the main reason that some young people turn to drugs or go astray is their friends. It is important then to shed light on the topic of the choice of friends.

Let me start by addressing parents. When your child was at the age of 5 or 7, you were the most important figure in his/ her life and the center of their attention, trust and affection. Now your son or daughter is 14 or older, and things have changed. There is another object of attention and affection, or more than one. You might fall into second place or tenth place, depending on how close you are to your child. We have recently talked about different types of parents, like the friendly father and the scary father. Your ranking in your child’s life depends on what type of father you are. However, you are definitely not number one; their friends are.

As human beings, we are social by nature. We all need friends and our friends influence our lives and our decisions. Look at anyone who is responsible for a disaster and you will definitely find that a friend led him to it.

This is the way I would like to start my topic today, because it is important for our youth to understand that it is only natural to have friends. You will always have friends, but just be aware that friends influence every aspect of your life, the way you dress, your manners and more. However, there are three main areas that your friends have immense influence over: your success in life, your relationship with your parents and family in general and last but not least, your relationship with your Lord. It is these three areas that I am going to focus on today.

These are three vital areas. If we start by how your friends influence your relationship with Allah, we will find a strong connection. Who your friends are will determine how likely you are to succumb to drugs, whether or not a young lady will want to wear hijab[2], whether or not you will continue to pray regularly, and many others.

Secondly, if you look at how your friends influence your relationship with your parents, you will find that you will likely treat your parents the way you see your friends treat theirs. Someone told me that he learned to stand up as a sign of respect whenever his father entered a room when he saw his friend do that.

The third is your future and success in life. Are you surrounded with successful friends, who have great hopes of building a great future? Or you are surrounded by failures and thus you should be no different! We are captives of what we see around us, as if we are in a small room. Look at the verse, which can be translated as, “..his offense(s) have encompassed him…” (TMQ[3], 2:81) What does that mean? It means that when you get used to your sins, they will surround you and by time will see nothing else but your sins. This is a message to everyone and not only to the youth. Many parents and older people in general, say they were doing well in life, until a certain friend came into their lives and then they started to change for the worse. Many women express their love for hijab, yet they are unable to wear it because none of their friends does.

There is a great tool on www.amrkhaled.net; a survey that I encourage everyone to take part in. It consists if a list of questions about your friends. After you take the survey, it will tell you what kind of friends you have. It was designed with the help of psychologists, so the results are scientific, and therefore credible. As I mention some of the questions of the survey, I want you to answer them in your head, either yes or no:

The survey result will classify your friend(s) to be one of three groups: First, the friend that will drag you to sins and evil, secondly, the passive friend, who neither drags you to evil, nor pushes you towards good, and thirdly the good friend. The good friend pushes you to be successful, to be good to your parents and to have a great relationship with Allah. By the way, a good friend is not only religious. If you have a religious friend who is not successful or who is passive and does not want to be successful, then that is not a good friend! I have come to believe that any successful person has to be surrounded by successful people. Ali Ibn-Abu-Taleb encourages us to befriend those who aim high, and have great visions in order to be successful. The message is: befriend those who are positive and who will take you further and push you to do better. Do not take passive or defeatist people as your friends. Do not surround yourself with failures or those who have no vision of who they want to be.

The Prophet (SAWS)[4] said that a person is similar in religion to his friends and therefore should see who his friends are. He did not say his friends’ manners or attitude, but rather, religion! Let’s see who our friends are and how we pick them. Someone might say that his friends are the ones that he simply came across in life. One person told me that he did not choose his friends, he just found them; stumbled over them! He just found them there in school or college or wherever. Others may say that they looked for the friend that would guide them to have better luck in dating girls and impressing them!

Let’s point out the goal of this episode now. Usually I introduce the goal at the beginning of the episode, but I am doing it differently this time. Our goal today is “the pursuit of a good friend”. For years now you have you been finding your friends and not picking them, isn’t it time to start to pick your friends? It is your right to have a good friend. They can be found easily in the same places where you found the other ones; in school, university or the mosque. You just were not able to see them before because you were not looking for them. All I am asking you to do is to start looking, and praying that you may find one. I am confident that by the end of Ramadan you will find one and that it will be a sign that Allah has accepted your good deeds. The Prophet (SAWS) said that the best gift after the gift of Islam is an honest friend who reminds you if you forget (Allah) and helps you when you remember.

It is interesting to observe how the same person can act differently according to which group s/he is in! Look at yourself, you are good by nature, but can be bad when you’re with the bad group and good when with good friends. If you tell me who your friends are, I can tell you how likely you are to be a successful person. I will be able to see how likely you are to go down the straight path of life.

I will now give two powerful examples to prove my point. One is about someone who led his friend to complete loss and to be worthy of hellfire. The second is an example of a friend who saved his friend from hellfire.

The first is ‘Oqbah Ibn-Abu-Ma’eedh who was a close friend of Abu-Jahl’s. While the Abu-Jahl was away, along with his evil influence, ‘Oqbah went to Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) and listened to him, liked what he heard and decided to go the following day to embrace Islam. However, that day Abu-Jahl returned and became angry when he learned of his friend’s intention and threatened to cut him off; not to be his friend and supporter any more if he embraced Islam. Moreover, he pushed him to go to Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) and spit on him (SAWS). From that day on ‘Oqbah turned into one of the Prophet’s (SAWS) worst enemies; he continuously hurt and harmed the Prophet (SAWS). How did his life end? He was killed in the Battle of Badr. The Qur’an mentions the story in what can be translated as, “And the Day that the unjust (person) will bite at both his hands, (and) say, “Oh, would that I had taken to myself a way along with the Messenger. Oh, woe to me! Would that I had not taken so-and-so to myself for a (close) fellow. Indeed he readily made me err away from the Remembrance after it had come to me.” And Ash-Shaytan (i.e., dwelling habitation) has been constantly abandoning man. (TMQ, 25:27-29)

See what a bad friend can do to you? It does not have to be on the scale of you losing your faith. One bad friend talked his friend into stealing money from his mother for drugs. The guy went and forced his mother to give him her earrings which she did in tears lest he should hurt her! Can you imagine how far a bad friend can take you?

The other example of how big an impact our friends can have on our lives is a good one.

It is about ‘Ayash Ibn-Abu-Rabee’a, who was one of the companions who embraced Islam in Makkah, and whose friend was Omar Ibnul-Khattab. They were both on the way to Madinah on the hijrah, [5] when Abu-Jahl,who feared that Islam would become stronger with the migration of ‘Ayash because he was wealthy, rushed after them and called out to ‘Ayash when he was a few miles away from Madinah. He made up a story about ‘Ayash’s mother claiming that she had vowed to stay out in the burning sun of the desert not resorting to shade and not to wash until her son returned. ‘Ayash was moved by the story and wanted to go back. His good friend, Omar warned him against the lies of Abu-Jahl and tried to convince him that his mother would resort to shade and water eventually, but ‘Ayash was so concerned about his mother that he decided to go back to Makkah.

What did the good friend do? Omar gave ‘Ayash his camel to take him back to Makkah in the hope that the camel would remind him of Omar and Islam. Upon ‘Ayash’s return to Makkah, he was taken by Abu-Jahl and the other rejecters of faith, tied up and imprisoned. He was forced to revert from Islam. After a while, these verses of the Qur’an were revealed, which can be translated as, “Say, (This is addressed to the Prophet) “O My bondsmen who have been extravagant against themselves, (i.e., who have committed sins) do not feel despondent of the mercy of Allah! Surely Allah forgives guilty (deeds) all together; surely He, Ever He, is The Ever-Forgiving, The Ever-Merciful.” (TMQ, 39:53)

The true good friend, Omar sent the verses to ‘Ayash, who upon reading them, remembered his friend’s camel and Islam filled his heart again. He sent a message to Omar Ibnul-Khattab informing him that he was coming to him in Madinah. Omar was so happy that as soon as ‘Ayash arrived he took him straight to the Prophet (SAWS). This is a great example of how a friend saved his friend from total loss!

So back to our goal, can you start searching for that good friend who will take you by the hand to the right path and to success. If you already have that friend, can you renew the agreement? Can you agree to push each other towards doing something good for yourselves, your families…something good for your country? Why don’t we make use of Ramadan and the prayers in Ramadan? Why don’t we pray that we may find a good friend? You have to pick your friends. You have the right to choose.

As we come to the conclusion of today’s topic, I hope that you will make it a rule of your life to search for good friends. It is something that will take the whole family to a higher level of communication and a better life.

As this is such an essential factor for the happiness of families, we are going to continue with this topic in tomorrow’s episode, if Allah wills.

[1] The word Allah is the Arabic term for God. Although the use of the word "Allah" is most often associated with Islam, it is not used exclusively by Muslims; Arab Christians and Arabic-speaking Jews also use it to refer to the One God. The Arabic word expresses the unique characteristics of the One God more precisely than the English term. Whereas the word "Allah" has no plural form in Arabic, the English form does, and the word 'Allah' in Arabic has no connotation of gender. Allah is the God worshipped by all Prophets, from Adam to Noah, Abraham, Moses, Jesus and Muhammad.

[2] Hijab: literally “cover”. It describes the self-covering of the body for the purposes of modesty and dignity. Broadly, it should be regarded as a prescribed system of attitudes and behavior regarding modesty and dignity

[3] TMQ=Translation of the Meaning of the Qur'an. This translation is for the realized meaning, so far, of the stated (Surah:Ayah) of the Qur'an. Reading the translated meaning of the Qur'an can never replace reading it in Arabic, the language in which it was revealed.

[4] SAWS: Salla Allah alayhe Wa Salam [All Prayers and Blessings of Allah be upon him]

[5] hijrah (the migration from Makkah to Madinah)

AmrKhaled.net © جميع حقوق النشر محفوظة
This Article may be published and duplicated freely for private purposes, as long as the original source is mentioned. For all other purposes you need to obtain the prior written approval of the website administration.