Episode 22
Keeping Kinship ties (1)
Today we are going to talk about kinship ties. Families can be seen as two circles. The smaller one is the household: the father, the mother and the children. This is the circle we have tackled so far. The wider circle is that of the larger family. It is the extension and the safety net of that smaller circle. In fact, the smaller circle is only sound when it integrates and melts into the wider one.
Therefore, the objective of today’s episode is to return to the embrace of the family. The status quo of our societies is isolation, not only at the individual level, but also on the household level. If we look at our families we will find one of two forms: either total severance from the family, because of disputes or minimum communication, or there are no problems but each party minds its own business and that is it. For instance, the grandfather builds a house to unite the family, but upon his death, the house is sold and all communication is kept to a minimum. Now, these families only meet in weddings, funerals or feasts. That is not all, when such rare re-unions take place, some youth do not attend. They prefer to go out with their friends and the parents do not see any harm in that. Although in disguise, this is indeed severance of the family.
In fact, if you want to please Allah, if you want a renaissance, you have to cement your kinship ties. It is an obligation on each and every one of us, so do not feel condescending. The Arabic word for kinship ties, is “selat ar-rahem” (literally: the ties of the womb). The word for womb (rahem) shares the same root with the word for mercy (rahma).
In a Hadith Qudsy, Allah (SWT) says that He is The All-Merciful (al-rahman) and it is the womb (al-rahem). Allah derived its name from one of His. Those who would preserve such ties are to be encompassed by His Mercy, whereas those who do not, will see no mercy. In fact, we are informed that on the Day of Judgment all men will be silent. But the kinship ties will speak up. It will complain to Allah that it was not preserved. Allah would say that He will only be close to those who preserved such ties and will sever those who did not.
These are strong-worded hadiths. But mind you, whenever an issue is tackled in such a strong-worded manner, it is definitely one that has colossal impact on man’s life and on the renaissance of the nation.
On interviewing a number of young men and women, many of the interviewees said that they prefer hanging out with their friends to attending a family re-union. Some said that these re-unions are warm and adorable but sometimes boring just as well. On being asked if they know all their relatives, the interviewees unanimously answered that there are certain relatives they can hardly recognize if they meet on a street.
This should not be the case. Let us arrange a re-union in our families this Eid. Let it be a re-union in which you recite Qur’an together, in addition to all the chatting and laughter. In fact, all religions call for this because kinship ties are of utmost importance.
If you are not moved by the strong-worded hadiths, let me convince you in another way. You are losing much. You are depriving yourself and your children of one of the most delightful things in life. We all know that our most beautiful memories are those we had with the family. Why would you deprive your children of that?
It has all started with that minute drop placed in the womb of your grandmother and leading to the birth of your father, uncles and aunts. Then, the extension becomes you and your cousins. This tie wants to be re-united. I know a friend who is an expatriate but misses the family so much. He invites all his family to his father’s house. During the gathering, he calls in and asks to talk to each and every one in the family. He says that after this emotional phonecall, he feels as if he worshipped Allah for a whole week. This is the sweetness and the satisfaction your heart will feel when united with the family. It is the need of the heart, you cannot ignore it. No financial or material accomplishment will satisfy you in the same way.
The Prophet (SAWS) says that whoever believes in Allah and the Day of Judgment must preserve his/her kinship ties. Once on mount Arafa during pilgrimmage, the Prophet (SAWS) was about to start praying to Allah. However, before he started he said that they should not have among them any person who has severed his/her family because mercy would not befall them. A man stood up and left. After a while, the man came back. The Prophet (SAWS) asked him where he was. The man replied that he had an aunt that he had not seen for some time. When he left, he went to her and kissed her hand. She wept and so did he. On hearing this, the Prophet (SAWS) asked him to sit by his side.
Once a man came to the Prophet (SAWS) and told him that he had commited a heinous sin and asked whether his repentance could be accepted. The Prophet (SAWS) asked him if he had a mother and on hearing he did not, he asked if he had an aunt. The man answered affirmatively. The Prophet told him to be good and dutiful to his aunt and Allah would forgive him.
In today’s world, life has become like the loose beeds of a broken necklace; many beeds have already been lost. Family relations are the only beeds left. So please do not loose them as well. If you want to make life, unite your family and present them to Allah. Gather the family, see who needs financial assistance and who needs emotional assistance. This would be your contribution to Islam. Cement these ties and see how mercy will be all-encompassing.
Now, let us have a glimpse at the life of the Prophet (SAWS) with his family. We will have to go back to the beginning of the Prophet’s message. When he was commanded to spread the message, the order was, “And warn your kinsmen, the nearest kin” (TMQ, 26:214). The Prophet (SAWS) invited all the family over and prepared a banquet for them. When they were all gathered, Abu-Lahab spoiled the meeting. The Prophet (SAWS) arranged another gathering and he told them that if he misguided the whole world he would not misguide them and that if he lied to the whole world, he would not lie to them. He then asked them to rescue themselves by embracing Islam because he could not help them by any means before Allah. But they are his family and he would always preserve this family tie, even if they refuse to embrace Islam.
This is the beginning of the message. In fact the end is not different. Of the last verses to be revealed is, “Say, “I do not ask of you a reward for it, except amity for kinship.”” (TMQ, 42:23). The family is emphasised once again.
Not only did Abu-Lahab refuse to embrace Islam when Muhammad (SAWS) invited him to it, but also he ordered his two sons to divorce the two daughters of the Prophet. He even ordered all the people in Makkah not to marry them. However, when the Prophet entered Makkah victorious, he forgave his two cousins, the sons of Abu-Lahab; he walked with them hand-in-hand before every one and prayed to Allah to guide them to the right path.
After losing some of his dear relatives, namely Ja’far Ibn-Abu-Taleb, Abu-Obaida Ibnul-Hareth Ibn-Abdul-Mutaleb and Hamza, the Prophet was so afraid when he saw Ali Ibn-Abu-Taleb dueling during the Battle of the Trench one of Quraish’s most skilled knights, Amr Ibn-Wid. He pleaded to Allah that He had taken away Abu-Obaida and Hamza and both were of his kinsmen. He prayed that Ali was his relative as well and asked Allah not to let him live lonely without his family.
In the Battle of Badr, al-Abbas, the Prophet’s uncle was held captive by the enemy. Although tired, the Prophet was sleepless. When asked, he said he could not sleep because he could hear the voice of al-Abbas in agony because of his shackles.
Can you love your family this much? Will you work to gather your family? We will no more meet only in special occasions. We will meet more often, just like the old days. We will cooperate together for the prosperty of the family and the nation.
TMQ=Translation of the Meaning of the Qur'an. This translation is for the realized meaning, so far, of the stated (Surah:Ayah) of the Qur'an. Reading the translated meaning of the Qur'an can never replace reading it in Arabic, the language in which it was revealed.
