Paradise in Our Homes

Episode 11

The Mother’s Role in Islam 

In the Name of Allah[1], the All-Merciful, the Ever-Merciful.  Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon Prophet Muhammad (SAWS)[2].

This episode deals with the role of the mother in encouraging and inspiring her children to reach success.

Ever since he is born and until the age of three, a child needs his mother’s greatest care, nurturing and enormous love and affection. This identifies the preliminary stage of a child’s life.

Once a hungry woman with two children came to Lady Aisha Bint-Abu-Bakr (RA)[3] asking for something to eat.  Lady Aisha had nothing to give her except three dates. Upon taking the dates, the woman immediately gave one to each of her sons. Being extremely hungry, the two little boys ate the dates immediately, looking up to their mother for more. The mother, at this instant, divided the remaining date between them, while she ate nothing herself.

Impressed with what the woman did, Lady Aisha (RA) related this incident to Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) when he came back.  Although the woman did not do any extraordinary thing, Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) said that Allah (SWT)[4] blessed her for what she had done.  All of you would do the same if you were in the same situation.  How many times have you favored your children over yourselves? No doubt all of you will willingly devote your lifetime for the welfare of your children.  Likewise, you are blessed and highly regarded by Allah.  No one can deny the supreme sacrifice and care that a mother renders to her child.

Upon the child's second stage, starting from the age of three until six, your child gets to know his father better.  Therefore do not get jealous; this is the nature of this stage.  There is no doubt that the mother's role is the most critical and that her influence on her children's lives is not compared to any one’s else.  An intelligent mother should encourage her child at this stage to know his/her father better.

Take Lady Hajar as an example.  Prophet Ibrahim (AS)[5] used to travel for long. . Yet, whenever he comes back, he always finds his son Isma’il (AS) a loving and obedient son as ever.  Isma'il helped his father rebuild the Ka’ba when the latter asked him to do so. Another example is the response of Isma'il to his father as depicted in the ayah[6] which can be translated asm, “O my son, surely I see in a dream (Literally: time of sleeping) that I should slay you; so, look, what do you see?” He said, “O my (dear) father, perform whatever you are commanded”, (TMQ[7], 37:102). 

As we can see, Isma’il was brought up by his mother to be an obedient son. This clarifies Hajar's role in bringing the father with the son together on good terms.

Here comes the third stage, from the age of six until the age of ten, through which your son can acquire as many moral values as possible.  It is only you who can form and shape your child’s manners and character through the values which you implant in him at this early stage.  The seeds which you sow at this stage will determine what you reap in the future.  The values remain with him forever throughout his life no matter what other temporary bad manners he might acquire during adolescence.  That is because the seeds you have sown earlier will be much deep rooted and stronger in him.  You should teach him moral values like integrity, honesty, truthfulness, eagerness to perform prayers regularly and on time, etc… No more values can be acquired after this stage.

In his adolescence, your child needs you very much, although you have to slightly change the way of treatment in order to gain his friendship and trust.  This slight change is represented by encouraging, inspiring and pushing him forwards to achieve success, while showing the same affection and attention paid in his infancy.  You have to stop worrying too much about him as he is not young any more.  He needs you to firmly and confidently assure him of his success.  Keep telling him, “You will succeed.” At that time, the bond between you and your son will be as strong as ever and he will never be able to do without you.  He will always need you as you are his true friend. 

Here is a very simple story, yet it delivers a very important message.  Unable to join the faculty he desires because of his low degrees in high school, a student started to feel depressed.  When he told his mother about his degrees, she said, “You have the potentials to succeed.  You will join that faculty and succeed in that field and I will attend your graduation party.  I know I will be very proud of you one day.”  He sensed that she believed in him and he believed her words.  Finally, he succeeded.

You will be the ideal and the greatest mother in your son’s eyes if you keep inspiring him with the power and energy required for success and enriching him with the love and kindness he is in need of .

Another deep example, when the brave Abdullah Ibnuz-Zubayr, the son of Asma' Bint-Abu-Bakr, hesitated to encounter Abdullah Ibnul-Hajaj fearing from losing his life, he confided in his mother that he was afraid they might mutilate his body after killing him. Strange enough, his mother answered him, “Does it harm a sheep to get skinned after its being already slaughtered?!”  Although Asma' Bint-Abu-Bakr had a tender heart and an affectionate nature, she resorted to such firmness to defend right causes after her father. She pushed her son because he had a worthy cause to defend.  We are terribly in need of such a mother.

All mothers would think this is a very difficult example which they can never follow.  I agree with you.  But still, there is no need to worry too much about your adolescent son.

The ayah in the Noble Quran says what can be translated as, “And We revealed to M‍ûsa’s mother, (saying), “Suckle him; so, when you fear for him, then cast him in the main; and do not fear, nor grieve.” (TMQ, 28:7).  This ayah is a vivid example on what we have been saying.  First, Allah (SWT) ordered Musa’s (Moses’) (AS) mother to suckle him.  Suckling represents love and affection. Then, He ordered her to cast him in the main without fear or grief; and this is life.

At the age of fifteen, your son will start to face life difficulties and hardships.  He needs to feel that you are always there by his side, supporting him and supplicating for him.

I know of a family, which was too poor to buy nice clothes for their children.  Two classmates laughed at one of this family's daughters because of her worn out clothes.  It was her first time to understand what poverty means. Returning back home unconfidently, she asked her mother, “Are we poor?” Her sensible mother answered her immediately, “No, never. Who said so? We have more than enough.  We have high manners.” She showed her the photos of the members of her family; her grandfather, father, sisters and brothers. She told her that her family is her true fortune. She told her that they had what most rich people might lack: happiness and the ability to laugh.  This is an example of a positive mother who supported her daughter who was about to lose her self confidence.

One more example of a sensible positive woman, with whom Sa’d Ibn-Abu-Waqqas was completely impressed.  She wanted to share with a positive role in the war, but she was too poor that she had nothing to give Sa’d except her plaits that he might make them a saddle for his horse. A day later, an eleven-year-old-boy insisted on going to the battlefield to fight with him, sacrificing himself to Allah, and was ready for martyrdom. One morning, the little boy told Sa’d of a beautiful vision he had the night before.  He dreamt of Paradise. Sa’d told him that he was about to reach martyrdom  Sa’d asked the little boy to give Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) his best regards when he meets him in Paradise after death.  In return, the boy asked Sa’d to deliver his best regards to his own mother.  Upon asking the little boy who his mother was, Sa’d found out that she was the same woman who gave him her plaits one day earlier.

The future of this nation depends on devoting sensible mothers who wish for their children ultimate success and bring them up to become useful citizens.  They work to raise children who are pious, devout, respectful to their parents, obedient to Allah, and useful to their family, society and country.  The influence of such mother on her son’s decisions will remain even after she passes away.  This is, because the son would always choose the decision that would have pleased his mother had she been alive. 

Every mother should be a friend to her daughter/ son.  Let them confide and trust her. A last word for a mother: you should supplicate for your son/daughter.  A mother’s supplication for her children is immediately answered by Allah. It is the strong everlasting bond that ties a mother to her son.  Once a mother supplicates for her son with an attending heart and finds tear drops running down on her cheeks, she shall sense her supplication being immediately answered by Allah. 

Mother! Let your son from his early age know that you supplicate for him.

LOVE YOUR MOTHERS!

Finally, our mothers deserve our utmost respect and devotion. We should strive to serve our mothers who sacrificed so much for us.  By revering our mothers, we are paying respect to Allah.

We cannot change our mothers, can we? We have to accept them the way they are.

Because of her child, a mother is often forced to go without sufficient sleep, sacrificing and forgoing much-needed rest. As a result she is normally expected to suffer from constant exhaustion and fatigue. Yet, it is the contrary that happens in reality. A mother is always happy and energetic especially when her child finally sleeps in her arms at the end of the day.

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