Our lives are what we make them – Part 1:

In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Gracious. Peace and blessings be on the messenger of Allah. “Surely, praise be to Allah, we thank Him , seek His help and His guidance and forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allah from the wickedness of our souls and sinfulness of our deeds. "He whom Allah guides, he is the rightly-guided; but he whom HE sends astray, for him you will find no guiding advocate".”

The topic of our lecture today is: “Our lives… we make them ourselves.” The question here is obvious: who is the life maker?

This topic consists of two parts:

The first part is related to religion.

The second part is related to life.

The lecture will tackle various areas; the relationship between a man and his wife, the failure and success in work, the success of mothers in raising their children, and our relationship with Allah Almighty.

Therefore, “making our lives by ourselves,” applies to both religion and life. Who makes our lives? Is it the circumstances? Or are we able to make our lives whichever way we want?

Let’s see if it is the circumstances which make our lives. Let’s take as an example, a student who doesn’t study his lessons. If we ask him about his negligence, he may reply, “It doesn’t matter, because I will not find an appropriate job. Even if I find a job, it will not satisfy my needs. All graduates students end up having the same kind of jobs.”

Another example is an employee who is not working hard enough in his job. If we ask him about that, his response would be that it is due to financial circumstances, etc. Another weak excuse is that he will not achieve anything by working harder.

We also ask a wife, “Why don’t you take good care of your husband, try to make him happy, and provide him with a happy, quiet life?” You will also find some kind of weak excuses along, “There is no benefit from all that. Whatever I do, my husband is always with his friends, always outside. Maybe he also knows other women. Why would I put more effort for him? There is no use.”

The world around us has changed because of the space channels, the internet, …etc. You also hear more often the phrase “tough circumstances.” If we continue to blame all our failures and our laziness on the circumstances, then for sure, we will have more and more failures.

Once again, we will repeat the question “Who makes our lives? Is it the circumstances that surround us? Or are we able to make our lives the way we want?

This is the subject of today’s lecture.

And now we ask ourselves the following question, “What is the goal of this lecture?”

The answer can be summarized in one simple statement: “If a person has a dream, lives for it, and insists on it, he will certainly achieve his goal.” This rule was verified throughout history.

Say to yourself that you are able to make life the way you wish and want despite all the obstacles you may face, this is the goal of this talk.

Unfortunately, the word “circumstances” became the excuse that justifies our failures and mistakes. Now the student doesn’t study hard, and the wife doesn’t take care of her husband enough, and nobody perfects the acts of worship for Allah Almighty. The whole nation is in a state of despair. Therefore, “Circumstances” are the only thing to blame for all of that.

Psychologists, specifically Freud, say that there are three major factors that make one’s life. Any decision that a person takes in his life, or any action they take, is a result of three factors. What are they?

The first factor is the genetic factor, or the inheritance factor. For example, if a person is stingy, then this is something out of his control. That’s how he found his father, grandfather, or family. Then, there is nothing to blame him for. Nobody can deny then the fact that genes are a factor.

The second factor is the bringing-up factor, meaning the way a person is brought up by his parents. For example, if a man grows up in a family where his father beats up his mother. When this person gets married, he will deal in the same manner with his wife, and hit her as well. There is no blame on him; this is out of his control. This is the result of years of upbringing.

Another example is a young lady who does not succeed in her marriage because her parents spoiled her. There is also no blame on her, because she was brought up and raised that way.

The third factor is the environmental factor. This is an example of a girl who was raised up on decency and modesty. When she goes to school or to the university, and finds some girls acting shamelessly. She feels that she does not fit in, or she is an old-fashioned girl, therefore, she would start to act like them. This is also out of her control.

Let’s see the example of an upright employee, who does not accept corruption and illegal commissions, widespread in his workplace. He finds his co-workers accepting this corruption as a normal practice, and then he had to accept it as well. This is also out of his control.

Is this all logical, or not? Yes, it is logical, and this is due to the above three factors that control our lives.

But wait a moment; this leads us to a very important question: If we have no role in choosing our parents, environment, and circumstances, then how come Allah will judge us on the Day of Judgment. How come we will be questioned on things we didn’t commit ourselves?

The question here is: Who makes our lives? Is it those three factors? Or is it us? The answer is, yes these factors make our personalities. But beside that, there is a very important point: the resources Allah Almighty gave to his worshipers. One might think that these resources are very few, but on the contrary, they are stronger than those three factors. Therefore, one has to use these resources to overcome the effects he is faced with. On this basis, a person is judged on the Day of Judgment.

People fall under the above factors, or at least one of them. Now, what you have to do is to realize the resources Allah Almighty has given you. Use these resources to overcome the three factors and win them over. This way, you become successful in life, and you will enter Heaven in the Hereafter, Allah’s willing.

This is the story of life, this is the reply to the psychologists, and to all those who ask, “How can Allah Almighty judge us on the Day of Judgment” on things that we did not commit, and were out of our control (due to the above three factors)?”

This is the main idea of this talk. There are several examples of persons who were able to overcome these factors, and became successful in their lives.

What we need now is an internal awakening. Say to yourself that you will succeed, you can do it. For example, if you find out that you are not able to be more religious, tell yourself, “No, I will succeed in being religious, and in gaining the blessing of Allah Almighty.” As for the wife who wants to get her husband back: make him happy, and make him love you again. If she sets this goal for herself, she will achieve it, Allah’s willing.

For the man who says he has many obstacles at work: convince yourself that you will succeed and will overcome any obstacle. This is the main goal of this lecture. Tell yourself that I will never fail again, and I will succeed in both this life and the next, Allah’s willing.

Ask yourself, “What kind of resources do I have?”

We all have an extra-ordinary power: our minds. This is an extra-ordinary resource which we, unfortunately, do not take into account. If you have tremendous factors affecting you, with the use of your mind only, you can overcome them. We have the resource of the mind, but unfortunately, we are not aware of its enormous power. It is an internal will power, and an extra-ordinary energy, but it is not used, because it is oppressed. When we burst this energy, we direct our will power to overcome all the obstacles, and the factors surrounding us. Certainly, these obstacles will break down, and we will succeed in achieving our goals.

This will power that Allah Almighty has planted inside human beings in the form of a concealed internal strength is now waiting for us to use it.

An example on the above point is the story of Imam Ahmad bin Hanbal. He faced many hard trials, including prison. He said at that time, “By Allah, I don’t fear the prison, because it is but similar to my home. I also do not fear death. But I fear the trial of the whip. My human limitations can not bear one strike from the whip.” It was Allah Almighty’s will that he was tested in this exact point: lashing. At this moment, when he was about to be lashed, his face was very disturbed, and he said to himself, “I can not take this; it is beyond my capacity.” At this same moment, with Allah’s will, a prison inmate comes forward to him. He was a thief called Abi-Haytham Al-Tayar. He was nicknamed Al-Tayar (the flying) because he was a pickpocket who was used to steeling. He was imprisoned several times. This thief passed by Imam Ahmad Ibn Hanbal at the time of executing the flogging. He noticed the disturbance on the Imam’s face. So he looked to him and said, “O Imam, hold firmly on the right path. If you live, you will live praised, and if you die, you will die a martyr.” The Imam said, “It was as if he resurrected hope in me.”

The thief added, “You know, Imam, that I was flogged in this prison eighteen thousand times in total. I was on falsehood. I was flogged for the sake of Satan, and I held on. Now you hold on for the sake of the Most Merciful.”

When he was hit, his executor said, “I’ve flogged him so hard on his back, and the man was not saying anything, except of one phrase: ‘There is no god but Allah.’ He fell down soaked in blood. I felt pity for him, so I told him, ‘Would you like me to sneak a drink of water for you?’ The Imam replied, ‘I’m fasting.’”

How come one moment ago, he was shaking and worried, and now during his lashing, he became that strong and tough.

This makes us aware of our deep internal energy, but unfortunately, we don’t make use of it. This is due to our laziness in thinking of how to use it and benefit from it.

If we continually submit to the circumstances, accept the status quo, and do not exert any effort, this energy will die inside of us.

Who among us haven’t dreamed that he wanted to achieve his wishes, but had became hopeless? For example, a person who wishes to be obedient to Allah, once he is exposed to a moment of weakness, he would fall into sin. This is certainly because he is a weak person.

You can use this energy to achieve and carry out all what you aim for. You will succeed in your work. And a wife will do her best to make her husband happy. Come on; burst this will power inside of you.

While Allah has put hard obstacles in our way, at the same time, He gave us great resources. If these resources burst from inside of us, the first thing that will result from it is will power.

Did Allah grant us other resources that we can use?

Yes, there is another resource, which Allah granted us. Unfortunately, we also don’t notice. It is the resource of Dhikr (remembrance) of Allah Almighty.

The messenger peace be upon him (PBUH) says that “Dhikr strengthens the body”. His daughter Fatima and her husband Ali bin Abi-Talib came to him to complain about the difficulty they were facing with their house chores. They asked him to send them a servant to help them.

The Prophet (PBUH) said, “How about I show you something better than this?” They said, “Yes, messenger of Allah.” He said, “When you go to bed, Ali, you and your wife say, Glory to Allah (Tasbih) 33 times, praise be to Allah (Hamd) 33 times and Allah is the greatest (Takbir) 33 times. Ali later said that after saying this Zikr, they never needed a servant.

Certainly, Dhikr strengthen the body and mind, and removes anxiety from the soul.

Among the examples also are the lives of the Prophets, peace be upon them all.

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