Paradise in Our Homes - II

Episode 9

Drugs 2

Yasser, a former drug addict, narrates his struggle with his addiction.  He says, "I now believe that Allah chose me to convey a message to drug addicts and their families.  Drug addicts should not be punished; they should be helped. Families should not add to their pain and suffering. "

Allah says, what can be translated as, "And is he who was deceased, then We gave him life and made for him a light to walk by among mankind, as one whose likeness is in the darkness (es), (and) he is not coming out of them? Thus whatever the disbelievers were doing was adorned (i.e., made attractive) for them." (TMQ, 6:122)[1]

Yasser then explains "This ayah accurately describes my condition during my addiction years and after my treatment.  At the time I suffered from the problem I truly felt I was a dead man.  I had nothing to look forward to but the coming dose and had no dreams nor had I any goals in life.  I neither had feelings of belonging to my family nor to anything else.  I am responsible for both my addiction and overcoming it. However, my family also contributed significantly to both the addiction problem and to the treatment.  

"My father died when I was very young.  I needed understanding support and supervision; I needed to be treated firmly when necessary and leniently when appropriate. I started drugs at a very young age. I always convinced myself that I would never reach the point where I would become an addict and would always be in control of my condition. I am well-mannered and have goals in life I intend to achieve.  Meanwhile, I was gradually giving in to addiction.

"My family's reaction when they found out about my addiction was a very negative one, to the extent that it contributed to the worsening of my situation. They treated me as a complete failure; they treated me as if I was to never get over it. They took things to be as they are and tried to distance me from the family so that I would not be a negative influence on my siblings.

"While an addict I felt I was in a deep well.  People were passing me by asking me to come out but no one lent me a hand to pull me out.  I truly wanted to come out but I could not do it on my own.  Everyone treated me as an outcast, including my family and friends.

"I went to ask my mother for help.  She did not hesitate, and we went to a rehabilitation center.  I started the program, and started my fight against my illness. My doctor's words were a turning point.  She said, "Yasser, I respect your effort and your honesty."  Her words were magical.  It had been years since I last heard any word of encouragement.  The only other person encouraging me was my mother. Allah blessed her with great patience.  She was always pushing me forward.

"Now I am among others suffering from the same problem I used to suffer from some time ago, and I see myself in each one of them. I have gone through all that they describe.  I enrolled in a center concerned with dealing with the addict's behaviors, so that my assistance would not be limited to my own experience, but would be a professional one."

Why do you want to go through all that?  Why do you want to ruin your life?  Do not place yourself in such a situation. Ten million are lost. Ten million are suffering along with their families.

A father once contacted me asking me to help his son, a drug addict.  I told him there was nothing I could do.  He nevertheless sent me a message with a friend saying, Allah says, what can be translated as, "…and whoever gives life to it, (i.e., a self) then it will be as if he had given life to mankind altogether"(TMQ(5:32).  I felt as if I was hearing that ayah for the first time. I therefore met the son and found him to be a decent young man of a good background. I asked why he got himself into such a situation, and he replied that it was too late to ask such a question.  He revealed that he wanted to become closer to Allah, and go for umrah[2]. He wanted to become another person.

We went on the umrah.  His fiancée remained next to him, trying to support him. He improved a lot. He nevertheless started his life at the age of 35.  He started doing drugs when he was at the age of 18. His life stopped all those years in between.  It was as if he was locked up all those years; as if he was dead all those years.  Please do not repeat this scenario.

I have a message to the parents and to the youth. You have to support the addict and assist him. Yasser needed someone to pull him out of the deep well he was stuck in. Where is your chivalry?  Where are the parents, neighbors and friends?  Help him in the name of friendship.  Help him in the name of faith. The Prophet (SAWS)[3] was reported to have said that whoever assists a brother, Allah will assist him.  Allah is in the assistance of those who are in the assistance of others.  Doing good deeds prevents mishaps. Those who relieve others of a burden in this world, Allah will relieve them of a burden on the Day of Judgment.

We have ten million who have parents, neighbors and friends.  Instead of yelling and weeping, support him. He is ill and needs your mercy. You must stand by his side and show him love, mercy and patience, and take him to a rehabilitation center. Yasser was able to overcome his illness. It might be the case that, as we previously mentioned, drug addiction is chronic; however, it can be defeated. Yasser defeated his illness because his mother encouraged him.

When Yasser completed the course in the rehabilitation center, he went to invite his family to attend the graduation that is held to celebrate the efforts of the graduates. His family, however, were very discouraging, pointing out that it is a rehabilitation center graduation not a university one. They found that there was nothing to celebrate. That was very depressing to Yasser, had it not been for his mother who kept pushing him forward.  He graduated, overcame his addiction problem and started his life once more. It is true that he lost so many years, but it is never too late.  He then enrolled in a center to learn how to deal with drug addicts and help them overcome their addiction problem and rehabilitate them.  He suffered a lot and does not want others to suffer the way he did. 

Yasser accepted to be with us today in the studio and I thank him for that and appreciate it.

I want to ask you about 3 points:

1- The suffering associated with the addiction

2- The treatment journey

3- What would you say to your mother?

Yasser said, "It is my duty to convey the message to the 10 million addicts; and it is that great sense of duty that overcame my concern for my image. To answer the first question I'll narrate an incident I will never forget.  At the time, I was suffering form withdrawal symptoms of the drug, and I heard my mother performing dua’a (supplication) for me. My younger brother heard her and said that instead of performing dua’a for me she should ask Allah to get rid of me so they could get over this crisis and move on.  I found those words the cruelest thing.  There is nothing harsher than to feel that those surrounding you wish you dead. They find my life too much to bear. Only Allah knows the suffering I have been through and the price I paid during this experience.

"I can also think of crueler things that happened to friends of mine who died.  I recall a young lady, Abier, who died in the desert and was left there, where the dogs ate her limbs. May Allah have mercy on all those who died and who were victims of drug addiction. I feel Allah gave me an opportunity they never got.

"All I desired was that someone would lend me a hand and help me out of the deep well. They either felt pity for me or found me a hopeless case. Allah helped me out of the well through my mother and my doctor who were the driving force that changed my life. They helped me live my life with pride, dignity and enthusiasm.  I now have the desire to help others.

"I cannot find words to address my mother and doctor with. My doctor is now like a mother to me.  She made a big difference through her respect and her words of encouragement. The fact that she respected my effort and desire to fight my addiction made a significant difference.  

"I cannot describe how much I owe those two. I owe them the life I'm enjoying now and my freedom. There is nothing more precious than freedom, especially if you live 14 years held down by addiction. I started my journey with drugs at the age of 16. "

Were your friends the main reason for that?

Yasser replied, "It was not only my friends.  I had some other needs; needs that were not fulfilled by my family.  I had no option but to turn to drugs."

I want to address the parents. This episode had to come after we talked about the father acting as a friend. Recall how the Prophet utilized the talents of the youth. I am also addressing the society. We have lost ten million of our youth and it is unfair to blame the parents alone. It is true that it is mainly their responsibility, but there are others to blame as well. Al-hamdulillah (All praises be to Allah) one of our young men was able to make it out. Do you think we can bring others back to life?

What would you like to say to the youth, Yasser?

Yasser replied, "There is hope. As long as you live you can always change. As an addict you have only three options: go to jail, die or get help. Take the initiative and start the treatment. Nothing is for free. If you wan your freedom you must pay the price and go for treatment.

"Some think that drug addicts are living happily and enjoying their time. The truth, though, is that no drug addict does not wish to quit.  No drug addict dreamt of and aspired to becoming one.  We can change this condition.  I made it, and so did many before me.  I quit because I saw someone who did.  I told myself that if he could do it then so could I. When I saw his family attend his graduation ceremony I decided that mine will attend my graduation too.

"When I invited my family and relatives to attend my graduation after six months in the rehabilitation center, I was hoping for five or six. They refused because they thought that I would return to my previous state once more.  After a year, they all willingly raced to attend."

Let us summarize what we said.

1-     Do not make that mistake. Do not fall into the trap of merely trying drugs for the first time.

2-     Beware of misbehaving friends.

3-     Parents must provide supervision from the very beginning.

4-     The importance of faith. Faith is a protector; it is your defense. We have ten million drug addicts because faith is locked up.

5-     If you discover as a parent that your son has already become a drug addict, never degrade and offend. Respect him and show him mercy. Respect is very important. Treat him as a sick person. Do not blame yourself. Support and help your son.

6-     There is hope for the ten million addicts.

I thank you Yasser profoundly.

Yasser then added, "We must look for personal traits that give rise to the potential of becoming an addict. These traits can be discovered through several symptoms. As a child, he tends to be extreme in everything. When he likes something he concentrates on it so much that he spends so much time on it. This is how I was, and this is how all those I know who went through the same experience were.  Parents should take such a child to a psychiatrist to check whether he has any tendencies for psychological problems. When found, these problems can then be addressed at an earlier stage. The problem with most drug addicts is not the drug itself, but the fact that they treat it as a solution to a problem they already suffer from."

I have been talking in the previous episodes about the father becoming a friend, love, respect, etc., but Yasser's words attracted my attention to a very important point. The father should know when to stop a certain behavior when the child overdoes it. You cannot leave your child playing play-station endlessly just so you can enjoy some free time.

I recall an American study conducted 20 years ago. They asked the parents of 40 children to reply to their child's requests by saying that if he managed to be patient for two hours he will get what he wants.  They also had a control group of another 40 children under similar circumstances and with similar background.  They then studied what these children turned into as they grew up. They found that the first group had a very strong ability to resist temptation.

I tried this with my own son. I ask him to be patient when he asks for something and then give it to him later on.  He then attracted my attention to something very interesting. He said "father, isn't it the case that if we are patient enough when it comes to several things Allah will reward us with Jannah (Paradise)?" I then realized that this is the same concept. Allah asks you to be patient and stay away from certain things in this world, and you will be rewarded with Jannah. This is what Allah is training us to do. Let us do that with our children. It is a very important notion.

We had many notions and lessons to learn. I thank you Yasser and thank everyone.

Assalam alaikum