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Paradise in Our Homes - II
Episode 2
“Youth and Sex”
The part two episodes will deal with youth on two essential scales: Sex and drugs.
The episode on hand is the first in the series of youth and sex. By 'youth' we mean: the pre-marriage age starting from adolescence.
The message we are delivering here targets the role of the family (i.e. the parents) not the society.
Handling this matter becomes urging because of the following reasons:
1- There is a rising desire and curiosity of adolescents to discover the world around them and discover the other sex, hence it should be directed towards the right direction.
" Adorned for mankind is the love of lusts, for women and seeds, (Or: sons) and heaped-up, heaps (Literally: “arched” hoarded cantars) of gold and silver, and horses of mark, and cattle and tillage. That is the enjoyment (Literally: the belongings) of the present life; (Literally: the lowly life, i.e., the life of this world) and Allah has in His Providence the fairest resorting." [TMQ, 3:14].
2- The rising calamities suffered by young girls in their high school and preliminary university years due to falling into the trap of illegitimate relationships.
3- The openness of the internet in handling sexual matters makes the conservative way adopted by families in handling such matters with their kids unsuitable; it is even destructive. There becomes a wide gap between both extremes. Conservative approach encourages our youth to access to wrong information.
4- Sex is a natural instinct innate in human beings and is not something to be ashamed of. Therefore parents should not follow silence or blame in handling sexual information with their kids, but should rather follow the right guidance and proper education.
There are three wrong ways in handling sexual matters with youngsters that should be avoided and using them has negative repercussions:
1- Blame and threatening
2- Mocking and sarcasm
3- Punishment
The right way is that parents should talk with their kids and bring up the issue gradually. The talk should flow in proper, calm, respectable and friendly emotional manner. They should also make brainstorming with their kids as a means to get the kids involved in reaching the right solutions.
The Prophetic method in dealing with sexual matters with youth:
A young man came to the Prophet (SAWS) and asked him permission to fornication. The companions were angry at him, while the Prophet (SAWS) remained calm. It was narrated that the Prophet (SAWS) asked the young man if he would approve this fornication to be committed upon his mother. The young man replied negatively, then he (SAWS) asked him if he would accept it to his sister, and again the young man replied with a big no, then the Prophet (SAWS) asked him if he would approve it to his aunt. The young man replied with a no once more. The Prophet (SAWS) told him that people would deny this exactly as he did. Then the Prophet (SAWS) invocated Allah (SWT) to grant this young man strength and guidance. Notice that the Prophet (SAWS) did not humiliate or scold the young man but he rather taught him in a gentle calm way.
There are few main points that parents should communicate to their sons and daughters:
1- Sex is not a game but is sacred and honorable with noble goals.
2- Sexual harassment leads to falling into complete sex.
3- Prohibited sex is highly despised and leads to Allah's Wrath.
4- Involvement in illegitimate sex has destructive consequences on the future of the adolescent and causes incurable damage in his personality.
Youth should understand that marriage entails a wider sacred meaning than just performing sex. The goal of marriage is bringing prosperity and development to earth, while illegitimate sex outside the institution of marriage brings about destruction to earth and violates the main aim which Allah (SWT) has created the earth for.
When Satan challenges Allah (SWT) and promises to tempt Man to the wrong path, he knew his only way to achieve this is through fornication, because committing fornication is simply going against Allah’s Goals of creation.
"Said he, “Have You seen? This, whom you have honored above me, indeed in case you defer me to the Day of the Resurrection, indeed I will definitely bring his offspring under my subjection, (Literally: under my palate; i.e., between my jaws) except a few.”" [TMQ, 17:62].
Fornication shows Man lusting for his desires outside marriage which degrades him to a level that's as low as animals.
Fornication is Satan’s way to destroy humanity. The secret of Allah’s Anger invoked by fornication is that it twists and deforms Allah’s Norms and Laws of the universe. Instead of making families that develop societies and construct the earth, families are being ruined by illegitimate sex.
A special word to girls: because sex is not a game, Allah (SWT) highly honors it by restricting it to the lawful institution of marriage. Allah (SWT) has honored women and made them so precious. One form of this is that marriage entails a whole process of families' approval, paying a dowry, and ceremonies for public announcement. On the other hand, a girl in illegitimate sex brings about her degradation and disrespect.
Finally, the word 'love' carries a sublime meaning if only practiced inside marriage; otherwise it becomes a means to disrespect from the male to the female and it invokes Allah's Wrath, Allah forbids.
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