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Paradise in Our Homes
Episode 19
In the name of Allah , The All-Merciful, The Ever-Merciful, we praise Allah, and all Prayers and Blessings of Allah be upon our master, Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) .
Let us proceed with “Paradise in Our Homes”, setting a new rule everyday for establishing relationships of love and intimacy in our homes. We have been tackling a certain rule during yesterday and today’s episodes, that is: Make friends with your father and mother, seek their counsel regarding your affairs, endure patiently with things they do which you do not like, pray for them, ask about how they are doing and display an interest in what they are interested in.
One can not help but wonder about the type of kindness that Allah (SWT) is asking us to show. He (SWT) tells us in the verses that read, “And your Lord has decreed that you should not worship any except Him (only) and (to show) fairest companionship to parents; in case ever one or both of them reaches old age in your presence, do not say to them, “Fie!” nor scold them; and speak to them respectful words. And lower to them the wing of humbleness out of mercy and say, “Lord! Have mercy on them, as they reared me (when I was) small.” (TMQ, 17:23)
Stressing the importance of treating parents kindly, Allah (SWT) mentions it following the command of monotheistic faith. But does humility have wings? It is rather a figurative meaning deduced from birds. When a number of birds quarrel and one of them is defeated, it declares its defeat by putting down its wings on the ground in humility and total submission. Allah commands us to treat our parents in a similar manner. However, Allah follows the “wing of humbleness” with “out of mercy” to indicate that doing so should emanate from a merciful heart not an individual with weak personality. There are certainly many things about which sons and daughters have the very right to express their opinions and make their own choices, such as marriage and education. But the fundamental treatment is that of mercy, humility and obedience. Allah (SWT) says in another verse, “Give thanks to Me and to your parents; to Me is the Destiny.” (TMQ, 31:14)
Have your hearts softened or not yet? Then let me help you achieve the seven provisions outlined to this end. I shall inform you of a number of things by doing which your hearts will soften toward your parents.
First and foremost: to remember the memories of childhood.
Remember when you used to hold onto your mother’s hand fearing she might leave you alone, and when you were once left in a place where your mom was not around and you kept weeping out of your desire to go home to see her. Remember that you were in her womb taking your nourishment from her blood and body. Your mom once had many dreams while she was still an unmarried student, but once you came into being, you became the focus of her dreams. Considering all these, you must not be condescending or hard-hearted towards them.
A person once was carrying his mother while performing Hajj. When he saw Allah’s Messenger, he called out, saying: O Messenger of Allah. Am I duly thankful to her now? The Messenger (SAWS) replied in the negative, saying: Not even for a single pain of her labor while giving birth to you. You reluctantly carry her now wishing that you will one day rest by her death, whereas she happily carried you wishing you blissful and long life. Once a young man came to the Prophet (SAWS) complaining about his father taking so much money from him. Upon this, the Messenger (SAWS) requested that the father come to bring forth his case. When the Messenger (SAWS) asked him about his son’s complaint, he said: O Messenger of Allah! This son of mine was a weak, small child when I was a strong man. He was poor when I was rich. I did not withhold my money from him. Now I became a weak and old man and he became a strong young man. I became poor and he became rich. He came now to withhold his money from me! The Prophet (SAWS) said: (No stone or tree hears these words except that they are moved to tears. You are only one of your father’s blessings. You and your wealth are for your father.)
Abu-Hurairah (RA) used to tell his mother upon seeing her: “May Allah have mercy on you as you reared me when I was small.” Her reply would come thus: “And may Allah have mercy upon you as you are kind to me when I am old.” Here is another story concerning the memories of childhood. There was a mother who had an ungrateful, hard-hearted son. Seeking to soften his heart, she wrote him a message reminding him of the past and placed it in his room. The message read: “You were my wish even when you did not exist. I loved you even before you were born. And I reared you till you have grown up. So, treat me kindly.” O youths, be tender-hearted towards your parents. Bear the 7 things in mind and make effort to achieve them.
Let me tell you another thing that will help soften your hearts. Hasten in treating them kindly before they die. The Prophet (SAWS) is reported to have reprimanded whoever has his parents or any of them alive during his lifetime and does not attain Paradise on account of his/her kindness towards them.
I will read out to you a letter sent by a girl to the reader’s mail in a Gulf newspaper. Her message read: A great person has left our world today. He was not a leader, a famous doctor, nor a hero of war. But he was in my eyes one of the great men. The one who left us today is my father. He was such an ordinary man doing the things which every father would do; he would pay the telephone bill, pray in the mosque, help us with our homework and accompany my mother for shopping on Thursday. Yet, because he is my father, I see him as a great man. Tonight is the first night to pass without him being with us. Now, I have feelings of regret for each time I did not show due and adequate respect for my dad. But I am happy now that my dad directed at me a look of pleasure before he passed away; filling me with security that Allah (SWT) is pleased with me.
A friend of mine once phoned me while I was abroad. He was weeping while speaking to me. I was unaware of the cause of his weeping. He mentioned a part of hadeeth that reads: (The one for whose sake we used to honor you has died. So, you have to do good deeds now in order to be honored.) I asked him about what the matter was and he uttered the same sentence several times. I could understand that her mother died and tried to encourage him to be steadfast. As a result of his touching words, I felt fear for my mother. Shortly after he finished, I called my mom to check on her and requested her to pray for me. Hasten in treating your moms well before it is too late. A person recounted to me that his attention was never drawn to anything fine in his mother. She was not beautiful and was overweight and nervous. He remained like this till the day of her death. In her funeral procession, he met her co-workers and manager. They told him that her mother was a great mother indeed. She was a divorcee. She used to work extra time for the sake of her children. Another told him that his mother was the kindest person she had ever known. As a result, he began to realize what he had never previously seen in his great mother. He awoke to the fact that his attention was paid only to those friends around him and others who might attract the attention by their nice-looking appearance, while his mother did not. He recorded his story in a book he wrote. Have not these words touched your hearts yet?
Once a poor woman with her two little sons came to Ayesha (RA) asking for anything to satisfy their hunger. Ayesha searched for food and found only three dates. She gave the dates to that woman. The woman gave each child one date and kept one for her self. The two kids, however, ate the two dates and started looking to her. She couldn’t help but divide the third between them despite her severe hunger. Ayesha (RA) got emotionally affected by this scene. When the Prophet (SAWS) came and was informed about this, he told Ayesha to tell that woman that Allah shall have mercy on her on account of her mercy towards her two kids. Just like this woman, our parents did similar acts of sacrifice for our sake. Indeed, they dedicate all their lives for our sake. After all of this, you close your room’s door now in the face of your parents telling them that you are busy; shame on you. The Prophet (SAWS) said that on the Day of Judgment there will be three types of people whom Allah will not look to, nor purify and they will have a painful punishment. The first type of these is the person who is ungrateful and undutiful towards his parents. The Prophet (SAWS) is also reported to have stated that no one who is ungrateful to his parents shall enter Paradise until Allah has made His decree known among the creation. Allah’s mercy is boundless indeed. However, there are certain sins that incur His wrath, such as being undutiful to one’s parents and not performing prayer . Who amongst you could promise now to implement those 7 things? By doing this, we shall achieve the very goal of our program; we will have established paradise in our homes. By means of this, you can restore love and warmth to your homes, O youths.
Seek their advice and counsel in your affairs as Moses, who was a great messenger, so politely and humbly asked al-Khedr to teach him of his knowledge; Remind them as well as yourself of the days of your childhood and the past; endure patiently with the things they do and you do not like even if they were unbelievers. Satan is constantly whispering to us to do otherwise. Asmaa’ bint abu-Bakr (RA) once asked the Prophet (SAWS) about whether or not she could maintain good ties with her mother. He (SAWS) replied in the positive and encouraged her to do so. Also, Allah (SWT) instructs us in the Qur’an that we must not obey our non-believing parents whatsoever with regard to faith-related issues, but at the same time He commands us to keep them good company;
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