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Paradise in Our Homes
Episode 23
In the name of Allah , The All-Merciful, The Ever-Merciful, we praise Allah, and all Prayers and Blessings of Allah be upon our master, Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) .
We continue together with this program to talk about a responsibility Allah ordered us to bear, all of us, men and young men, women and young women, about which we will be asked on the Day of Judgment, that is: What have we done to bring our families together? Have we exerted an effort to do that like our Prophet?
Here I wonder why family is so important! There should be a great thing behind this importance to the extent that Allah stresses this point in Qur’an.
Each one of us has his needs, at least seven or six of these needs could be provided through families and reletives' relationships, four of which are psychological and two are material. Let us have a look at these needs:
1- Belonging: Youth usually at the age of 13, 14 and 15, will develop an insistent need to belong to something, and Allah created family for this purpose; to fulfill this need. He says what can be translated as, “…and We have made you races and tribes that you may get mutually acquainted.” (TMQ, 49:13).
One should belong to a family, all prophets belonged to families and had family tree, and Prophet Mohammad (SAWS) said proudly that he belonged to Kinanah. Therefore there is a need for belonging, and if this belonging does not exist, then youth will seek it elsewhere, he may come upon extremists, admire their ideas because in this stage he needs to belong to anything whatever it is even if it is wrong, and if his father blames him, he will rebel because his father could not provide him with the secure belonging, he will become more obstinate for he has that inner feeling of the insistent need for belonging.
He may also belong to some guys who will lead him to corruption and drugs. If you love your children and you are worried about them, give them the natural need, family belonging.
2- To protect our faith and manners: we protect them via family, family web, moral web. Family meeting is the key of goodness. There is always a senior in each family, and these families always have meetings, hence there is shyness, one feels shy to commit sins lest his family knows that. Some young men leave to another country to commit sins; they say that they can not make wrong things in the country where their relatives live.
Therefore, family is a moral web, it puts borders, so no one can commit sins inside, if he wants to, then he should go out. There is an Ayah in Qur’an speaks about this where Allah says what can be translated as, “Then, in case you turn away, might it be that you corrupt in the earth and sever your bonds of kin?” (TMQ, 47:22). Why does Allah mention kinship? The first step of corruption is severing the bonds of kin, no family meetings means the beginning of corruption.
Let us set an example, the great woman, Amena bint-Wahab, Prophet’s (SAWS) mother, she had a great calamity when her husband died, yet she started to bring her son close to his grandfather and uncles. Then she took him in a long journey to the town of her brothers. Days passed and when Prophet (SAWS) immigrated from Makkah to Madinah, he went directly to his uncles’ house.
When his mother died it was not strange for him to live with his grandfather, and when the latter died, it was expected to go to the house of his uncle Abu Taleb, they were not strange to him because his mother used to bring him close to them. We see that his uncle’s wife Fatimah bint-Assad brought him up, Prophet (SAWS) could not forget her favor, and when she died he went down into her grave and wrapped her in his gown.
3- To find a shelter when calamities take place: It will be better to introduce your children to your extended family and strengthen the relationship between them, so, in case something happen to you; sickness, death..etc, their uncle, for example, would take care of them, and they will not feel they are with a stranger. Prophet (SAWS) was brought up in his uncle house when he was eight years old, and his cousin Ali (RA) was brought up in Prophet’s (SAWS) house when he was five years old.
Sometimes, some women members of the family are deprived from having kids, why wouldn't we get them involved in rising up our children, so they would at least enjoy that feeling, and they will there for them if something happen to you.
4- Support: nowadays, youth need a strong family to support them, especially while they are working on projects to develop their country. Some people accuse those youth that they are not serious, careless, wasting their time in the the coffee shops, and the parties. The truth behind this situation is that no one stood beside those young men and women, that why they ended up in these situations.
Do you remember who was the first one to support Prophet (SAWS)? It was his uncle Abu Taleb.
Abdul-Muttaleb, Prophet’s (SAWS) grandfather told abu-Taleb that Mohammad will be an important man one day and asked him to take care of him. Abu-Taleb, the disbeliever, was aware of kinship ties more than we do. He supported his nephew although he was not a believer. He said to him, “O my nephew, do what you are ordered to, and I will be with you.” When abu-Taleb knew that Quraysh intended to kill Prophet (SAWS), he gathered the family and asked them what to do. Then they agreed to gather in a gap and let Mohammad (SAWS) live there among them so that no one can reach him. They were besieged there for three years, some of them were disbelievers, yet no one complained or left the gap.
Every night, abu-Taleb used to take Mohammad (SAWS) from house to another so that Quraysh will not know where he would sleep. Why would abu-Taleb go through all that trouble, yet he was not a believer?! Because his father asked him to take care of his nephew. When abu-Taleb died, al-Abbas took care of the Prophet (SAWS). Where is this power nowadays, where is the family senior who would bring the family close together, who would gather young men and ask them if they need any support, in any of their projects.
When they were besieged in the gap, Quraysh forbade anyone to bring them food.
One man called Amr ibn-Hisham, a relative of lady Khadija, used to put food on his camels and then push them into the gap, but why! Because Khadija was besieged there also. Quraysh knew that, seized him and beat him severely taking a promise from him that he would not repeat this. But in the very next day he did the same thing. He was seized again and beaten. When they asked him why he was doing so, he answered that because of kinship ties. Compare that to how the rich people of the society treat their poor relatives.
Here is abu-Sufyan's famous saying, “Look after your kinship, do not spoil what is remaining of our morals”. That was abu-Sufyan who had not heard Ayahs and Hadiths of kinship ties yet, what about you?
5- Finding future spouses: Some families have girls who are thirty and thirty – five years old but are not married, why should we be angry with them if they sought a husbands via internet, or dated a boy in the intention of marrying him! I am not saying that this is a good behavior, but if there was a family meeting where all members meet under its canopy, then girls will get acquainted with the family young men and the problem would be solved?
6- Family fund: Have you ever made a fund to collect money so that you can help the poor ones or young men who want to get married but they cannot! Prophet (SAWS) said that sadaqa (a charitable deed) given to the poor is a sadaqa, but that given to kin is a sadaqa and a tie for which you will get hasana.(i.e It is considered two good deeds) Prophet (SAWS) said that he loved Al-Asha’er tribe, they were of him and he was of them. If there was a war or drought , that family used to put all food they have in one bowl and then divide it among them. Is there anyone of you who wants to make a family fund to be of Prophet (SAWS) and Prophet (SAWS) be of him. Allah says what can be translated as, “And bring to a near kinsman his true (right) and (to) the indigent and the wayfarer”. (TMQ, 17:26), near kinsman comes first. Allah says also what can be translated as, “And let not the ones endowed with the Grace (of Allah) and affluence swear off bringing (charity) to near of kin (Literally: endowed with kinship)” (TMQ, 24:22).
Now…To the practical application for today’s subject.
We want around 10000 families to share us in the renaissance of ummah (Muslim nation), only for the sake of Allah.
Do you claim that you worship Allah? Then bring your family close together and make monthly meetings to look after your family. That is the minimum level, let us call it the first level, I know a lady called Hajjah Mahassen, she was a great woman, before she died she wrote her will in which she asked her sons and grandsons to meet every Friday in her house. That is Obeid family, they say that ever since they meet every Friday, yet the wonderful thing in this will is that the sons and grandsons write the same thing in their own wills.
A higher level would be establishing a trust to fund the family members who are in need. You can gather two or three of the family seniors, and two or three of the juniors, girls and boys, make a list of family names and their financial situation. I know a family called Shabaro in Lebanon, I met them in their annual festival when they distribute money to the needy ones, and all the family members were present because all of them have a benefit.
The third level is like Hafez family in Jaddah, they reached a higher level, more sophisticated, they constituted an assembly of the family and put a goal; an integral, interlinked and religious family. They issued a leaflet for the youth to educate them about the past of the family and showed some pictures of grandfathers. They established inside the family some committees to serve the family; one deals with kids matters, another one for solving disputes between family members, a financial committee, a cultural committee..etc. The details of this family activities can be accessed on www.amrkhaled.net.
We want to gather 10000 families only. O Ummah of Mohammad (SAWS), Allah granted us a system which protect us. Do not ask why we reached to this stage of alienation, because we made it, Allah says what can be translated as, “Then, in case you turn away, might it be that you corrupt in the earth and sever your bonds of kin?” (TMQ, 47:22)
We are waiting for you on our website. Let this coming Eid the beginning of a new family relationship, then share with us what you achieved.
TMQ=Translation of the Meaning of the Qur'an. This translation is for the realized meaning, so far, of the stated (Surah:Ayah) of the Qur'an. Reading the translated meaning of the Qur'an can never replace reading it in Arabic, the language in which it was revealed.
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