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Paradise in Our Homes
Episode 20
In the name of Allah, the All-Merciful, the Ever-Merciful. All praises be to Allah and peace and blessings of Allah be upon Prophet Muhammad (SAWS).
The program is proceeding with one episode after the other and we are coming closer and closer towards the end. When we first started, we told you that the purpose of this program is to make our homes in this world similar to those in Paradise in the hereafter, in terms of the love people have for each other in their hearts. In the past episodes, we have been giving you suggestions and tips to help you and your families reunite and come closer to each other during Ramadan through worshipping Allah and many other things.
This episode is a little different. We will try to show you how your family can stay united after Ramadan. It is very likely that a family whose members have come close together during Ramadan will not be able to remain as such after that, unless they follow what I will be saying shortly. Families who will take my recommendations in this episode to heart will always be close together. All the problems and disputes encountered in the previous episodes will disappear.
Only a few families will be able to undertake the task I will suggest today; not because it is unachievable, but because our families are not used to it. I just hope that only 5000 families out of the millions of families in our Arab world follow what I am about to suggest. If this happens, a lot of things will change.
What I want to say is that each and every one of our families must have a goal; a common goal that all the family members agree upon and work for. Why do not you gather your family after watching this episode, pray together and ask Allah to inspire you with a good idea for a goal that every person in the family can work for? Gather all the members of the family including the youngest children and ask yourselves: What are your hopes? What are your dreams? Write your goal down and post it in your house where all of you can see. Devise a plan and set a time frame, and once you have accomplished your goal, hold a small party, and celebrate your achievement together. Believe me, children who grown up in such a family will grow to be extraordinary individuals because they have learned how to set a goal and have seen it accomplished right before their eyes.
I am saying that this is a little bit difficult to implement because, sadly, in the Arab world only few people have real goals. It is an uncommon thing to set a goal here. Our parents did not have clear goals and we are the same, so this “goal-setting” thing is somewhat a novel concept to us. However, those families who will be able to set a goal will conquer the world! They will lead all others because they will have skills and abilities not found in any other ordinary family. I want 5000 families to correspond with us after this episode and tell us about their goals. We will try to help them formulate these goals and implement them.
I am not just saying this in an attempt to call for a revival in our countries; I am saying this for the sake of our families as well. Allah (SWT) says, what can be translated as, “And indeed Iblîs already verified his expectation of them, so they closely followed him, except a group of the believers.” (TMQ, 34:20). Satan is expecting those families who have reunited in Ramadan to return to their previous state, with the exception of a group of the believers. We do not want this to happen. Families who will set goals will remain united and all their disputes will fade away because they have something to work on together. A common goal is like a magic key. It is actually like a magnet that attracts all family members together and towards it. Besides, goal-setting is one of the most basic concepts in Islam. To have a “goal” in Islam is to have an “intention”: The Prophet (SAWS) said, "The reward of deeds depends upon the intentions". It is said that Omar Ibn-Abdul-Aziz never walked a step without having an intention or a particular purpose for it.
You might think that you already have a goal since the day you got married. Your goal was to settle down and have a family and raise your children to be good people. These are indeed fine goals but are too general. What is the specific goal of your entire family? How would you like your family to be and why? Also, the goals we are talking about today are evolving goals: they must change from stage to stage throughout life. Once a goal is achieved, you should set another one to work on and so on.
I will now give you some examples of families who had goals and worked together to achieve them.
Stephen Covey is an American author who has written a series of bestselling books with his family. He has written the famous book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. This book was very successful and has been translated to several languages including Arabic. Covey says that the secret behind his success is that he lives with a family that has a goal and message. His family’s was to help others. He used to gather with his family and ask his children about their dreams and wishes. At first, there were no special ideas, but at one point, they came up with the idea of writing books to help families and young people become more effective. They used to sit and discuss the matter together and even travel to accomplish their goal. Covey wrote the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families with his wife as the co-author, and the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens with his wife and children as co-authors. He says that his happiest day was when they wrote their last book. They held a party and celebrated the completion of their books. Such a family has the right to lead and has the right to bring about change. The Coveys say that one cannot imagine how close they became to each other and how their love for each other intensified as they worked on their books. They had no time to argue or to fight because they had something more important occupying their minds than any other trivial issues. They were partners in a great big project.
You might argue that this man comes from a Western society and has a different culture and background than ours. Therefore, I will give you an example of an Egyptian family living in a village. The father is a farmer and has four young daughters. Sadly, having four female children is considered a shameful thing in the village. However, this man and his wife decided to make out of their daughters something to be proud of. They decided that they would learn the Qur’an at the hands of the best teachers in the country so that they would then teach it to the children in their village and even in the neighboring ones. The father used to travel with them to their teachers and the result was that his four daughters became a source of pride. Let us watch this footage together about this family.
The father: All praises be to Allah. I set my goal about fifteen years ago, which was to learn the Qur’an in the mosque and then come home to teach my daughters what I have learned. Allah (SWT) has given me four daughters for a reason no one knows but Him. However, in the village, boys have the superiority over girls, and this is a belief that most people have here. I wanted to correct this misconception and show people that girls can achieve what many other people cannot, in this worldly life and in the hereafter.
One of the daughters: Our father suggested that we should learn the Qur’an. My sisters and I gathered and discussed this together: what we are doing and what we want to do. Our father used to talk to us about Islam and about the Qur’an and told us that learning the Qur’an will improve our status in this life and in the hereafter.
The father: If you want to make somebody do something you must start with yourself first. I started learning the Qur’an myself to set a good example for my daughters to follow.
One of the daughters: At first, our father used to teach us what he used to learn in the mosque. We all competed together and we would wait for the prizes he used to give us for learning the Qur’an. We had to obey him and our mother.
The father: When the people in our village and the other villages saw how my daughters excelled, they suggested that I should establish a school so that they would teach the Qur’an to their children. I established a small school in our house.
After watching this footage, I ask the audience here in the studio, what is the goal of your family?
Actually, I have a surprise for you. The family you have just seen is present today with us in the studio: Mr. Hamad and his family. His daughters have memorized the whole Qur’an and have taught it to over 150 people, some of whom are nearly over with memorizing the whole Qur’an themselves. I thank them for being present with us today and tell them that they have done a very great thing for Islam and for our children.
I still have many examples to illustrate my point. Saladin would have never been able to accomplish what he had accomplished without having a mother who set a goal for him. Muhammad the Conqueror would have never been able to conquer Constantinople had not his family set a goal and helped him achieve it. All great people throughout history would have never been the same without having families who had goals and supported their children in achieving them. You must have a goal, a specific goal that you can achieve with your family.
Finally, how to set a goal?
First of all, resolve all disputes and arguments in the house.
Second, pray and ask Allah to guide you to what is best.
Third, never set a goal alone. Sit with your family and discuss the matter and come up with something together. You can try with your wife first, or select someone in the family whom you know will be convinced with the idea of setting a goal. The children may start by themselves at the beginning, and if they take it seriously and work honestly, they will inspire their parents and eventually they will join them. It is important not to be shy or ashamed of your ideas. This may seem difficult at the beginning, for some people may make fun of you, not take you seriously, or refuse to listen to you, but rest assured that as soon as you find your clear and definite goal and work for it sincerely, all the family will get together and head for it.
Fourth, do not forget to write down your goal and post it where everyone in the house can see.
Fifth, revise your goal from time to time, and once you have achieved it, think of another one to keep the family working.
The Prophet (SAWS) said that there is goodness in this nation until the Day of Judgment. Our countries need families, Muslims and others, to set goals and live for these goals if they are to be revived.
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