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Paradise in Our Homes
Episode 11
The Mother’s Role in Islam
In the Name of Allah,
the All-Merciful, the Ever-Merciful. Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon
Prophet Muhammad (SAWS).
This episode deals with
the role of the mother in encouraging and inspiring her children to reach
success.
Ever since he is born and until the age
of three, a child needs his mother’s
greatest care, nurturing and enormous love and affection. This identifies the
preliminary stage of a child’s life.
Once a hungry woman with two children came to
Lady Aisha Bint-Abu-Bakr
(RA)
asking for something to eat. Lady Aisha had nothing to give her except
three dates. Upon taking the dates,
the woman immediately gave one to each of her sons. Being extremely hungry, the
two little boys ate the dates immediately, looking up to their mother for more.
The mother, at this instant, divided the remaining date between them, while she
ate nothing herself.
Impressed with what
the woman did, Lady Aisha (RA)
related this incident to Prophet
Muhammad
(SAWS)
when he came back. Although the woman did not do any extraordinary thing,
Prophet
Muhammad
(SAWS)
said that Allah (SWT)
blessed her for what she had done. All of you would do the same if you
were in the same situation. How many times have you favored your children
over yourselves? No doubt all of you will willingly devote your lifetime for the
welfare of your children. Likewise, you are blessed and highly regarded by
Allah. No one can deny the
supreme sacrifice and care that a mother renders to her child.
Upon the child's second stage, starting from
the age of three until six, your child gets to know his father better.
Therefore do not get jealous; this is the nature of this stage. There is
no doubt that the mother's role is the most critical and that her influence on
her children's lives is not compared to any one’s else. An intelligent
mother should encourage her child at this stage to know his/her father better.
Take Lady Hajar as an example.
Prophet Ibrahim (AS)
used to travel for long. . Yet, whenever he comes back, he always finds his son
Isma’il (AS) a loving and obedient son as ever. Isma'il helped his father
rebuild the Ka’ba when the latter asked him to do so. Another example is the
response of Isma'il to his father as depicted in the
ayah
which can be translated asm, “O my son,
surely I see in a dream (Literally: time of sleeping) that I should slay you;
so, look, what do you see?” He said, “O my (dear) father, perform whatever you
are commanded”, (TMQ,
37:102).
As we can see, Isma’il was brought up by his
mother to be an obedient son. This clarifies Hajar's role in bringing the father
with the son together on good terms.
Here comes the third stage, from the age of six
until the age of ten, through which your son can acquire as many moral values as
possible. It is only you who can form and shape your child’s manners and
character through the values which you implant in him at this early stage.
The seeds which you sow at this stage will determine what you reap in the
future. The values remain with him forever throughout his life no matter
what other temporary bad manners he might acquire during adolescence. That
is because the seeds you have sown earlier will be much deep rooted and stronger
in him. You should teach him moral values like integrity, honesty,
truthfulness, eagerness to perform prayers regularly and on time, etc… No more
values can be acquired after this stage.
In his adolescence, your child needs you very
much, although you have to slightly change the way of treatment in order to gain
his friendship and trust. This slight change is represented by
encouraging, inspiring and pushing him forwards to achieve success, while
showing the same affection and attention paid in his
infancy. You have to stop worrying too much about him as he is not
young any more. He needs you to firmly and confidently assure him of his
success. Keep telling him, “You will succeed.” At that time, the bond
between you and your son will be as strong as ever and he will never be able to
do without you. He will always need you as you are his true friend.
Here is a very simple story, yet it delivers a
very important message. Unable to join the faculty he desires because of
his low degrees in high school, a student started to feel depressed. When
he told his mother about his degrees, she said, “You have the potentials to
succeed. You will join that faculty and succeed in that field and I will
attend your graduation party. I know I will be very proud of you one day.”
He sensed that she believed in him and he believed her words. Finally, he
succeeded.
You will be the ideal and the greatest mother
in your son’s eyes if you keep inspiring him with the power and energy required
for success and enriching him with the love and kindness he is in need of .
Another deep example, when the brave
Abdullah Ibnuz-Zubayr, the son of Asma'
Bint-Abu-Bakr, hesitated to encounter Abdullah Ibnul-Hajaj fearing from losing
his life, he confided in his mother that he was afraid they might mutilate his
body after killing him. Strange enough, his mother answered him, “Does it harm a
sheep to get skinned after its being already slaughtered?!” Although Asma'
Bint-Abu-Bakr had a tender heart and an affectionate nature, she resorted to
such firmness to defend right causes after her father. She pushed her son
because he had a worthy cause to defend. We are terribly in need of such a
mother.
All mothers would think this is a very
difficult example which they can never follow. I agree with you. But
still, there is no need to worry too much about your adolescent son.
The ayah in the Noble Quran says what
can be translated as, “And We revealed to Mûsa’s
mother, (saying), “Suckle him; so, when you fear for him, then cast him in the
main; and do not fear, nor grieve.” (TMQ, 28:7). This ayah
is a vivid example on what we have been saying. First, Allah (SWT)
ordered Musa’s (Moses’) (AS) mother to suckle him. Suckling
represents love and affection. Then, He ordered her to cast him in the main
without fear or grief; and this is life.
At the age of fifteen, your son will start to
face life difficulties and hardships. He needs to feel that you are always
there by his side, supporting him and supplicating for him.
I know of a family, which
was too poor to buy nice clothes for their children. Two classmates
laughed at one of this family's daughters because of her worn out clothes.
It was her first time to understand what poverty means. Returning back home
unconfidently, she asked her mother, “Are we poor?” Her sensible mother answered
her immediately, “No, never. Who said so? We have more than enough. We
have high manners.” She showed her the photos of the members of her family; her
grandfather, father, sisters and brothers. She told her that her family is her
true fortune. She told her that they had what most rich people might lack:
happiness and the ability to laugh. This is an example of a positive
mother who supported her daughter who was about to lose her self confidence.
One more example of a
sensible positive woman, with whom Sa’d Ibn-Abu-Waqqas was completely impressed.
She wanted to share with a positive role in the war, but she was too poor that
she had nothing to give Sa’d except her plaits that he might make them a saddle
for his horse. A day later, an eleven-year-old-boy insisted on going to the
battlefield to fight with him, sacrificing himself to Allah, and was ready for
martyrdom. One morning, the little boy told Sa’d of a beautiful vision he had
the night before. He dreamt of Paradise. Sa’d told him that he was about to
reach martyrdom Sa’d asked the little boy to give Prophet
Muhammad
(SAWS)
his best regards when he meets him in Paradise after death. In return, the boy
asked Sa’d to deliver his best regards to his own mother. Upon asking the
little boy who his mother was, Sa’d found out that she was the same woman who
gave him her plaits one day earlier.
The future of this
nation depends on devoting sensible mothers who
wish for their children ultimate success and bring them up to
become useful citizens. They work to raise children who are pious, devout,
respectful to their parents, obedient to Allah, and useful to their family,
society and country. The influence of such mother on her son’s decisions
will remain even after she passes away. This is, because the son would
always choose the decision that would have pleased his mother had she been
alive.
Every mother should be a friend to her
daughter/ son. Let them confide and trust her. A last word for a mother:
you should supplicate for your son/daughter. A mother’s supplication for
her children is immediately answered by Allah. It is the strong everlasting bond
that ties a mother to her son. Once a mother supplicates for her son with
an attending heart and finds tear drops running down on her cheeks, she shall
sense her supplication being immediately answered by Allah.
Mother! Let your son from his early age know
that you supplicate for him.
LOVE YOUR MOTHERS!
Finally, our mothers deserve our utmost respect and devotion. We should strive
to serve our mothers who sacrificed so much for us. By
revering our mothers,
we are paying respect to Allah.
We
cannot change our mothers, can we? We have to accept them the way they are.
Because of her child, a
mother is often forced to go without sufficient sleep, sacrificing and forgoing
much-needed rest. As a result she is normally expected to suffer from constant
exhaustion and fatigue. Yet, it is the contrary that happens in reality. A
mother is always happy and energetic especially when her child finally sleeps in
her arms at the end of the day.
When we realize how much our
mothers have done for us, every one of us will love and respect his/her mother,
will be good towards her and will be grateful to her.
AS= Alayhe as-Salam [All Peace of Allah be upon him].
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