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Paradise in Our Homes
Episode 9
In the name of Allah,
The All-Merciful, The Ever-Merciful. All
praises be to Allah,
The Lord of the worlds. All Prayers and Blessings of Allah be upon our master,
the most noble Prophet Muhammad. Let me welcome you all in this new episode.
Why is the timing of this
program very suitable? Each society is based on a number of values which help it
to achieve renaissance. These values to society are like facial features to a
human being. If you want to know any nation better, observe its value system.
Can you imagine that one looks at his face in the mirror and sees no facial
features, no eyes, no ears, and no nose? One would then have no existence. Our
values, which are deeply instilled in us and derived from our religion and
culture, are like our facial features. These values can be acquired from the
educational institutions, the religious institutions, the media and the family.
It is obvious nowadays that there is something wrong in all these institutions;
this is felt by everyone. Nothing is left to us to derive our values from but
the family. If we do not derive our values from the family, then there is no
avail. This is why this program is important.
We introduce in every episode a
new rule related to the family. We chose simple yet essential rules for the
welfare of the family. These are not the only rules; it is just an attempt to
revive the value of the family and gather some important rules which are
necessary for the benefit of the family. This program is not intended to spread
discord, but rather to unify points of view.
Let me remind you of the rules
mentioned in the previous episodes:
1.
Worship
Allah (SWT)
together.
2.
Feel
the value of the family.
3.
Be
merciful to your family.
4.
Envision a dream for your family.
5.
Remember the blessing of having a family.
6.
The
fundamentality of the role of the father.
7.
The
father as a role model.
You can worship Allah (SWT) this year
through reviving the values of the family for the sake of reviving the Muslim
nation. Many people wished that we would remind them of prayers and charity in
Ramadan this year. These things are great, of course. However, let us try to
upgrade our forms of worship more and more. Two years ago, we reminded people
of the biography of the Prophet (SAWS)
in the program entitled "On the Path of the Beloved". Last year, it was the
turn of the Most Beautiful Names of Allah in the program entitled "In Thy Name
We Live". Many years ago, the dominant theme in Ramadan was a contest in
worship, prayers, charity…etc. However, we shall introduce new ideas, so that
one's self does not get bored in Ramadan. Just like what companies do. Every
now and then, they seek to attract people in new ways and promotions. We want
to reactivate ourselves with a different form of worship; by worshipping Allah
through reviving the value of the family. This does not mean that you are not
going to worship Allah through performing prayers. You shall pray also, but
this time as a family, not as an individual. If you perform worship together,
Allah shall unite your hearts together. Consider the
ayah
which says, "And
He has brought their hearts together (Literally: joined “between” their hearts).
If you had expended whatever is in the earth altogether, in no way could you
have brought their hearts together; but Allah has brought them together" (TMQ,
8: 63).
This ayah speaks about the believers in general. However, you can consider it
from the viewpoint of the family as well.
Today's episode is very
important. Today's rule is "The Father as a Friend ". Have you ever been a
friend to your child? Have you ever been a friend to your father? A girl once
related to me that she used to miss the school bus on purpose in order to enjoy
the company of her father when he gives her a lift. There is no greater
pleasure in the world than befriending your child. The most delightful moments
in one's life are when one has conversation with one's child. There is a famous
Egyptian proverb which says, "When your son grows up, treat him as a brother".
This can be applicable from the age of five years old until both of you become
very old, until the end of your lives. As a father, you should go out with your
son, travel with him, or have dinner together in a restaurant. These moments
result in very rare kinds of pleasure. Thus, you shall have no problems in your
relationship together, as you eventually have no secrets to hide from each
other.
I shall tell you 8 major points
to perform your role as a friendly father:
1.
A
friendly father shares the interests of his children when they are young, so
that his children befriend him when they grow up.
2.
A friendly father
understands the needs of his children at a glance. Just like Musa's (AS)
(Moses) father-in-law. When his daughter told him, "O
my father, hire him; surely the most charitable (man) you (can) hire is the one
powerful (and) trustworthy" (TMQ, 28: 26),
he understood that his daughter liked Musa. Thus he said, “Surely I would
like to marry you to one of these, my two daughters …” (TMQ, 28: 27).
There is nothing wrong with that; she is a woman and she has emotional needs
that should be fulfilled. He understood all this at a glance. He was not a
terrifying father, but a friendly one.
3.
A
friendly father looks for interesting activities for his children and shares
them in those activities. He should find out what they like most. A father
narrated that he noticed his son’s fondness of soccer, so he used to buy tickets
for both of them to attend the matches. He noticed that his son became so
close to him that he would share his problems with him. Such a son would
not be a victim of addiction or sexual aberrations. The Prophet (SAWS)
shared children their interests. He would hold races and shooting contests
among them, and participate in these contests himself.
4.
A
friendly father knows when to hold his children's hands and when to leave them.
He is smart enough to know when to give them freedom.
5.
A
friendly father is not ashamed to tell his children about the faults he had
committed in his life. He should not tell them about grave sins, however, but
only the faults he had committed so that they can learn from them. Thus, you
guarantee that you and your children become close friends, as they regard you as
a realistic person who does not make fool of them. Do you remember the story of
Ka'b Ibn-Malek, one the men who did not join the Muslims in Tabuk’s expedition
and preferred to stay at home? You know who narrated this story? His son
Abdullah. He was the only one who narrated this story, as Ka'b Ibn-Malek told
only his son about this incident.
6.
A
friendly father imposes his authority on his children with love, not with fear.
There was a girl whose father befriended her, and she used to hide nothing from
him. When she became 16 years old, she had her own secrets, and she stopped
telling her father about anything. She had a boyfriend behind the parents’ back.
When this matter was discovered, she felt pangs of conscience, and she wept,
not for fear of punishment, but because she felt that she had cheated her father
and lost his trust. She expected that he would slap her on the face. However,
he gave her a hug, and he told her that he loved her so much yet he was very
angry at her. He had a long private conversation with her, in which he
explained to her how guys think of girls. He told her that guys classify girls
into two types: one for marriage, and the other for fun. He asked her, "Which
type do you prefer to be?" He told her then to wait until she gets married. The
girl thus felt respected by her father. She swears that she never had a
boyfriend again until she got married.
7.
A
friendly father makes the companionship of his children a necessary thing in his
life. You can take your children with you to the mosque, to work if possible, or
to gatherings with your friends, whether it was a serious matter, or just for
fun.
8.
A
friendly father makes special relationships with his children and shares secrets
with them. An example of this is the Prophet's (SAWS) relationship with
his daughter Fatimah. On his death bed, while his wives were sitting, he asked
Fatimah to draw near to him, and he whispered something in her ears, so she
wept. Then, he whispered something else in her ears, so she laughed. Aisha
became curious, so she asked Fatimah what had the Prophet (SAWS) told
her, but she told her that it was a secret, and she refused to reveal this
secret until the Prophet (SAWS) died. The Prophet (SAWS) was
married to nine wives, so it was important that he ensures that they treat his
daughter Fatimah well. He made it clear to them that he would not let Fatimah
get hurt.
However, a friendly father does
not spoil his children. He should maintain a kind of balance, between firmness,
fairness, and compassion.
In conclusion, three things are
required of a father: that he becomes a role model for his children, watches his
children, and becomes a friend to his children.
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