Paradise in Our Homes 

Episode 4 

In the name of Allah[1], the All-Merciful, the Ever-Merciful.  Peace and blessings of Allah be upon Prophet Muhammad (SAWS[2]).

Welcome to a new episode in which we proceed with our topic “Paradise in Our Homes”. We called the program as such because everyone may naturally wish to see their homes as blissful as Paradise. It also denotes that just as true happiness shall exist only in Paradise, similarly our homes grant us such happiness in life. Many family-oriented studies were merely focused on family problems. Great efforts were directed to this end which is important no doubt. Yet, family was always described in terms of problems. Therefore, the ideal and happy family was defined as that in which such problems do not exist. But here we want to arrive at the description of family sought by us; a right and realistic description of the family pleasing to Allah (SWT[3]) and that which would please the Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) if he were to visit any of us at home. Let us begin with the pleasant characteristics of a family rather than the problems.

First, we felt we should assign roles of every family member; the father should do such and such, the mother such and such, and also for the children. But we realized it may be boring, instead we thought it would be best to put those roles into a living form. During the ‘Life Makers’ initiative, we dreamt of changing our nations for the better within the coming years. We felt that attaining such a goal requires partnerships with many parties, even on the international front. Surely it would not be an easy thing. Likewise, the family dream requires partnerships; however, in this case. It is easy to find partners. Your father, mother, wife, brother and grandmother will be your partners in this dream. This dream is not unattainable. Past dreams are today’s realities and, in a similar manner, today’s dreams shall be tomorrow’s realities; that is how life proceeds. Let’s dream.

I can see in the dream a father who is busy day and night. He has a son, Ahmed, and a daughter, Salma, aged 5-6. As a result of his business and the difficult life he goes through, he becomes distant from them. The time that the children spend with their parents means to them the love and affection they are in need of; it is more precious to them than money. This father related to me personally that he was founding a firm all

on his own, which demanded constant work. He recounts how he used to travel for three or four weeks at a time, and when he comes back he would find them asleep. The next morning he would travel yet again while they were still sleeping. When pressed by his wife to spend quality time with his children, he took out his daughter Salma. While they were approaching home during their return, she asked him, “On which street is your home located, dad?” The father thought he heard her wrong and asked her to repeat what she said. The daughter then asked the same question. The father told his daughter that he does not have another home, yet he was unable to convince her that he was indeed staying with them.

The father was deeply moved by her question for a week before his son added to that. The father was in his room looking for a document on which he wrote the names of important people he would be meeting that week. The son, Ahmed, entered the room and asked his father about what he was doing. When the father told his son, Ahmad then asked, “Is my name among these names, dad?” The father became very sad upon hearing this and has decided since then to include his children in his priorities as they needed his time and love the most, more than anything else. He began to change his ways and dedicate a great deal of his time for his children.

The father related, “Last week, I went out along with them on my day-off, as I decided to never conduct any business during my holiday; we spent such an enjoyable time. Salma’s eyes were radiant as if she was thanking me. This has become my new mission in life. Even my wife wondered how I could manage my time in such a new way after I was telling her for so long that I had no time. I was very happy when I was spending time with them. However, I still had to travel to work as usual. When I was traveling,  I had long and nice phone conversation with them on a daily basis in order to constantly communicate with them while at work. On the eve I was to return home for my holiday, my wife called and told me that my son refused to sleep until I came and put him to bed. He never did so before. After work, I returned with such great eagerness as I have never felt before.”

In our dream of a happy and ideal family, we can see the father driving his car and wishing to arrive before his son sleeps, in order to take him in his arms and tell him a nice bed time story. The father would  also be instilling in his son values and morals through these stories accompanied by hugs, love and affection. Those minor things parents say to their children and later forgot them, forever remain engraved deep within them and pass through them to their own children and so on.

I can see in the dream that his son has grown up and is now 16. He is asking him for a walk along the Nile. During their walk, they are chatting and laughing. By the way, a son may not tell his father frankly about his evil companions, but due to the father’s positive influence through such a warm friendship, the son spontaneously forsakes such friends. In another scene, I can see in the dream the father walking, talking and laughing with his daughter. People see them and marvel at this warm relation between a father and his daughter. Upon their return, the girl kissed her father on the forehead. By the same token, she did not tell him any personal secret. As a result of this warm relation, however, she is safe from doing anything that may disgrace her father whom she holds dear and in high esteem.

A mother is apparent in the dream. I needn’t tell you about the mother’s compassion and affection since everyone knows it very well. But her affection should not only be about kissing and hugging; her affection ought to be positive and purposeful, a kind of affection that can bring forth another leader such as Saladin. Do not think this dream is utterly imaginary and impossible. Here is a story that proves otherwise:

A high school student once accessed the website of an international university. He used to visit that website to learn more about the university and its fields of study. This religious young man dreamed of joining that university bearing in mind to serve his nation. To be able to achieve this dream, he should either have a great financial ability to afford the huge expenses or be exceptionally excellent. As a result, he devoted himself to studying. His mother was giving him support, yet an ordinary support like that given by most mothers. Once he took an initial exam the result of which meant he still had a long way to go. He called his mother and told her about his desire not to take the remaining exams. She requested him to go home right away. She spoke to him while she was filled with confidence that he would pass the exam successfully and join the university. She encouraged him and filled him with enthusiasm and self-confidence. She told him that she would attend his graduation ceremony at this university. Having being informed after a week by a teacher that he ought to get prepared for a possible failure in the exams. The young man told his teacher that his mother believed in him and in fact told him otherwise. He also told his teacher that he believed her. His mother’s words came true. He passed the exams successfully, graduated from the university and she attended his graduation ceremony as promised. He says, “I remembered her eyes when she was talking to me before the exams and forgot all around me and rushed towards her, hugging her and telling her, ‘I love you. You are the cause of my success’.”

In the dream, there is also a couple who is leading a boring life bereft of any form of warm love. He once read in a book that love is like a tree that needs to be watered and looked after in order to grow and flourish. He thought to himself, “I tried love outside home several times and all turned out to be false and illusory; why not try to gain such true love at home?” He did simple but touching things in order to restore their love. After he used to come back from work in a bad temper, I can see him now returning home and standing in front of the door and readying himself and intending to treat her well. He spoke nicely to her and asked about how she was doing that day. She talked to him a lot as she merely needed him to listen to her. By this talk, warmth returned to their relationship. I can see him at work calling her. The call lasted a few minutes, but it made her truly pleased that he cared about her. I can see him in the dream during his travel sending her a mobile message telling her, “I miss you” She replied to his short message with a long one expressing her great happiness. I see him going out while they are upset with each other. Upon leaving, he called her saying, “I am sorry. Forgive me.” She expressed her apology too. Their relationship got warmer day after day. The husband no longer has dinner outside the house, while the wife cares about her appearance before him. The wife now speaks to him with a smiling face, encourages him and raises his morale. Such warm and blissful life benefits the children and affects them so positively.

I can see Abdel-Mon’em in the dream, a janitor working at a government institution. Though uneducated, he decided to get his son Ibrahim educated by lawfully-earned money. Ibrahim recounts that when he was still a child, his father, day after day, would put some coins in a pot. Ibrahim liked to shake the pot and hear its sound. After the pot was filled with coins, Abdel-Mon’em would exchange them with bills and give them to his wife, saying to her, “This money is for the expenses of Ibrahim’s study at university.” Ibrahim says that his father once told him, “My son, those hands of mine never earned anything unlawfully. It’d better be cut off then.” These few words outweigh many lectures and sermons about integrity. Ibrahim lead a very simple life, while his father urged him to be patient until he would graduate and live a better life. Time passed and he graduated, had a successful career, got married and had children. One day he went to visit his father. He found the same pot empty beside his bed. He asked him to fill the pot again and teach his grandchildren the same values instilled by a sentence like “It is better for my hand to be cut off than to earn anything unlawfully.” Abdel-Mon’em is indeed a great man and a wonderful role model. If a generation were to be brought up by similar men, our countries would advance.

I see a young man in the drea who, like all young men, had ambitions and dreams to pursue. He became distant from his family and forgot that his father dedicated all his life to him. This is a true story of a past football player. He was not distinguished because he was lazy and not enthusiastic. He was absent for a week from training because of his father’s death. There was an important match shortly later that week, and the coach excluded him because he did not engage in the training. He earnestly asked the coach to allow him to participate in the match. As a result of his persistence, the coach agreed to grant his request. During the match, the coach witnessed him play very skillfully. After the end of the match, he summoned him and expressed his great surprise at his excellent performance. The player told him the following, “My father passed away a week ago. My father dedicated all his life to me and wished to see me successful, a wish he never got during his lifetime. I want my father to be proud of his son, even if that would be on the Day of Judgment. From now on, you will find me a different person.

In the dream, I can see a funny grandmother sitting among her grandchildren kissing, hugging, playing and laughing with them. She would joke saying, “If I knew my grandchildren would make me so happy like this, I would have given birth to them first.”

I see a gathering of family members. They are chatting, joking and playing. They may not even talk about religious matters, but they feel the security and bliss that many are lacking nowadays.

Our dream of establishing “Paradise in Our Homes” is not impossible.  What I am presenting to you is not something unattainable. The many parts of the dreams are so simple, yet if we collect them together in one structure, this structure will be family union, security and warmth. This is achievable. We still have a characteristic that does not exist elsewhere in the world, though other countries are far more advanced than us in many things. What we still possess are the warm and sincere relations within the family. This program comes at a critical period in which we are losing a good part of this blessing. We, however, can and should work on restoring things to normal. Ramadan represents a great opportunity in this regard. One will experience immense happiness at such home. Family ties are indeed stronger and warmer than any other relationships.

In conclusion, every one of you surely knows about a story of this kind. I suggest that you share your stories with us at http://www.AmrKhaled.net. This will help those who visit the website to find an entire network of warm family ties. Let us seek to realize this dream during Ramadan and after it. Be sure that Allah will help us.

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