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Paradise in Our Homes
Episode 3
In the name of Allah
(SWT),
The All-Merciful, The Ever-Merciful.
Welcome to a new episode of
“Paradise in Our Homes”. It is clear that the aim of this program is to
encourage harmony within the family; this is why we prepared 30 principles of
how we can re-unite the family. We have had enough disconnection, with every
family member living alone in his/her own island!
In the first episode, we
discussed the principle of "Worshiping Allah (SWT) Together" and we
outlined 5 kinds of worship and talked about their reward, and we recommended
that you go to
www.amrkhaled.net to see them. Yesterday, in the second episode, we
discussed the principle of "Start with Yourself and Do Not Wait for Others".
Today, we discuss the third principle, which is the origin of family relations,
and that is "Mercy".
My wife and I, mercy; my
husband and I, mercy; I as a jealous brother towards my sister, mercy; my aunt
and I, my uncle and I, etc. If you truly implement the title of this episode (to
treat others with mercy) then you do not need to watch the remaining episodes.
I would like to address the
father who is very strict with his children; who criticizes their every behavior
and nothing pleases him no matter what. “Where is mercy?” I address the absent
father, we need your presence. I address the girl who betrayed her family and
had a boyfriend. I address the husband who humiliates his wife and beats her
up. I address parents who fight openly in the presence of their children. I
also address the mother who wants to prevent her ex-husband from seeing his
children. “Where is mercy towards your children at least?”
It is wonderful how, subhan
Allah (Glorified be Allah),
every time
there is a talk about family in the Noble Qur’an, that mercy is mentioned.
For example, when the Qur’an speaks about the husband and wife, Allah (AWJ)
says what can be translated as, “And of
His signs is that He created for you, of yourselves, spouses, that you (may)
find rest in them, and he has made between you amity and mercy. Surely in that
are indeed signs for a people who meditate” (TMQ, 30:21).
With regard to the son with his
father and the daughter with her mother, Allah (AWJ) said what can be
translated as, “And lower to them the wing of humbleness out of mercy and
say, ‘Lord! Have mercy on them, as they reared me (when I was) small’” (TMQ,
17:24) so you have mercy upon them and ask Allah (AWJ) to have
mercy upon them too.
As for the extended family,
according to the Hadith Qudsy,
Allah said to the womb, “I am al-Rahman
(The All-Merciful), and it is
al-rahm (womb), I derived for it a name from My name, so that the one who
establishes contact (with his/her relatives), I keep, and the one who does not I
do not keep”.
Have you seen now how every time the family is
mentioned, Mercy is mentioned too? Now we are in the first third of Ramadan;
the days of mercy from Allah (SWT), the sympathy of Allah (SWT),
the love of Allah (SWT), the tolerance of Allah (SWT). We are in
urgent need for all the mercy of these first days. We beseech Allah (SWT)
for His mercy, like al-dua’a (supplication) at the end of
Surat
al-Baqara,
where Allah says what can be
translated as, “…And be clement towards us, and forgive us, and have mercy on
us” (TMQ, 2:286) and there is the dua'a of pious people as mentioned
by Allah (SWT), “…And bestow upon us mercy from very close to You.
You, Ever You, are The One Who is The Superb Bestower” (TMQ, 3:8).
There is also the Prophet's dua’a (SAWS),
where he asks Allah for a mercy that will unite us, guide our hearts, bring us
together and bring back our absent ones.
Why not take advantage of
Ramadan and its mercy. How do we do that? By having mercy upon others and that
is what the Prophet (SAWS) means when he says that the people of mercy
are the ones who are granted the mercy of the All-Merciful and he teaches us to
have mercy upon those who are on earth, so that The One who is in Heaven will
grant us mercy.
We talked about mercy in
theory, but I would like to take 3 situations from real life in which I would
like to see mercy exist.
First of all, not to be
despotic, especially fathers and mothers. Actually, some men are real despots in
the way that they insist on their opinion no matter what. It is true that any
ship needs only one captain, but why not consult and ask others for their
opinion. If you continue in this dictatorial way, you will close the channel of
communication between yourself and your wife and family. Oh men, beware it's
really dangerous, and things can grow worse. Why not consult one another?!
Consultation within the family is mentioned in the Noble Qur’an.
The Qur’an wanted parents to
consult one another when it comes to weaning their baby. It says what can
be translated as, “So, in case both of them are willing by mutual consent and
consultation to wean, then there is no fault in them (both)” (TMQ, 2:233).
What a great book?! If you and your wife have to consult upon such a simple
matter, like weaning, then how about everything else; all the important
decisions in the family, e.g. university, school, etc. The children would then
grow up seeing their parents consulting each other in everything and it would be
a family based on consultation.
Actually, this consultation within the family was
not familiar to Arabs in early Islam. Once upon a time, Omar Ibnul-Khattab (RA)
said something to his wife and she objected. He was shocked at how she dared to
and said, “Are you challenging my opinion?” She said, “Why not if our
daughter, Hafsa (who was married to the Prophet) is challenging the Prophet (SAWS)?”
He was astonished and said, “Is she doing that?” His wife replied, “Why
shouldn’t she if his other wives (RA) are challenging his opinions too.”
He was puzzled and headed to the Prophet’s home (SAWS) where he found
him with his wives discussing with him the issue of alimony.
So, why don't we consult?
Why do you as a man cancel all the steps before making the decision?
In a separate story, when Omar
Ibnul-Khattab (RA) became the second Caliph in Islam, a man came to him
to complain about his wife who had raised her voice over his. When he reached
Omar's house, and before he knocked on the door, he heard Omar’s wife raising
her voice so he turned to go. Omar (RA), who had sensed that someone was
at the door, opened it and found the man walking away. He called him and asked
him if he had wanted anything. The man said that he came to complain to him
about his wife who raised her voice over his but that he had found that the
Caliph suffered the same problem. Omar (RA) replied, “She washes my
clothes, makes my bed and raises the children. She does all that and puts up
with me, shouldn't I tolerate her, if she raises her voice?” This is mercy;
mercy leads to harmony within the family.
One time, a woman came to the
Prophet (SAWS), declaring that she was a delegate sent to him from the
women. She said that the women complained that men reaped all the rewards;
the reward of
jihad
,
the reward of al-Jum'a (Friday) prayer, the reward of jama’a
(group prayer) etc. The Prophet (SAWS) said that being a good wife
equates all of that. How beautiful !! Oh women, be kind and compassionate, and
you get all the rewards.
The Prophet (SAWS) is
quoted to have told a story of a woshipper called Jorayj who used to pray the
nafilah (voluntary prayer), and when his mother used to call out to him, he
would not answer. She then made supplication against him and Allah (SWT)
responded to her. The Prophet (SAWS) asked Allah to have mercy upon
Jorayj for if he had been a scholar, he would have known that responding to his
mother was at a higher rank than the nafilah.
Furthermore, we find many
relatives not on speaking terms with one another. Could you please practice
this during the month of mercy? Could you call your relative, even if he
took your money? Could the girl whose cousin wronged her, phone her up and
tell her that despite the fact that she had talked badly about her, she still
wants to be in contact with her?
It is mentioned in the Noble
Qur’an that when Mustah, Lady Aisha’s cousin had
talked about her badly and Abu Bakr (RA), her father, who had raised him
and supported him, wanted to stop his allowance. Then Allah revealed the
verses that could be translated as, “And
let not the ones endowed with the Grace (of Allah) and affluence swear off
bringing (charity) to near of kin (Literally: endowed with kinship) and the
indigent and to the ones emigrating in the way of Allah; and let them be clement
and let them pardon. Do you not love that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is
Ever-Forgiving, Ever-Merciful” (TMQ, 24: 21).
People say, “I can't forgive this man.” Read this
ayah
and you should know that Allah wants us to do just that.
Another story is the story of
Yusuf (RA) who was subjected to numerous injustices, thrown in the well,
sold as a servant, and jailed. After all of that, he forgave those who had
wronged him Who can do all of that for mercy?!
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